Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Typical pre holiday mayhem

Today is a typical day in my wee life. Particularly when I have a house full of adults teens and wrinklies.
So far on this stay I have had to buy 1 new iron and 1 new toilet seat. It is day 5. She-ra declared that Grandad must be "shit wriggler" because no one else wobbles the downstairs loo like he does of which he oft to be found complaining. Meanwhile She-ra en-suite has developed a crack in the seat. Bear with me. To ensure that it was a seat crack and not her bottom she tested the variable like Goldilocks and the three bears trying out all 3 sanitary items of the house. Its definitely the toilet, she declared. After much dismantling and rearranging and losing my rag with her toilet seat that was never going to move, we now have rearranged & purchased toilet seats to suit all bottoms. This is rock n roll. At one point I did take a hammer to try and budge the screws etc and envisaged smashed porcelain. Not a  good move.

As we are about to depart on our jolly leaving wrinklies on doggie day care I felt I should mow the lawn. This I did in the rain. I am sure this could be dangerous but I was on a mission.

In between time there has been the poker face off between 2 car dealerships as I have taken the plunge to buy a new mini and have been battling them down on price This is not what you want when you are trying to navigate Ryanairs check in system and deciding which bikini you should take.

The Kindle I ordered on express delivery has yet to arrive. No doubt I it will appear just as I'm going tomorrow. I couldn't face learning the new technology at this stage. The books I bought just in case it didn't arrive will have to go in my pants or something to avoid Ryan-airs draconian excess baggage charges.
We also had....
A Bolognese bubbling away all day which I managed to conjure up this morning.
A conversation with my mortgage company about fixed rates
Ink bought for the printer so we can print off Mr O'learys boarding pass requirements
There is a stack of ironing and dog giving me the sad face as she spied the cases.
God  I need a holiday.
Oh and I'm out to dinner this evening. I feel a large glass of something coming on. Pass the Olives wont you.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Boob job

I have been away for 2 nights for an annual conference and awards shin dig, bun fight - call it what you will. When I say 2 nights I'm not counting the first night really as we didn't arrive gone 11pm. So basically I'm away from home for not very long.
So can someone explain to me why in gods name did I pack 4 bras and 4 pairs of shoes. And that doesn't include the running shoes either. Not only did I pack excessive amounts of boulder holders but I threw in the tit tape just in case. 
Tit tape! But I needed it as my floaty dress decided that it wanted to floaty away and had to be secured in place. 
Having not brought any scissors and now in a desperate rush ( note to self pack scissors as well as kitchen sink next time ) I use man's only sharp cutting device, my teeth. Jesus I nearly pulled my teeth out the glue was that strong. I may have in fact removed the enamel. Suffice to say floaty dress did not move. The removal of tit tape at silly o'clock in the morning after a few sherbets was nearly forgotten about which could have led to me being glued to my bed the following morning. As it is I don't think the hair will grow there for some time. 

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Le Tour

My home county of Yorkshire is going all out to celebrate the Tour de France. I just love the quirkiness of us British folk and the genius ways in which we celebrate things.
Check out this link

Meanwhile we have croissant, coffee deck chairs and Pimms apparently so we can pitch up roadside with the Wrinklies to watch Le Grand Depart.