Saturday, 19 April 2014

The Fart Test

Love me, love my farts, and those of my family even the dog.  I know to some the act of farting is impolite, height of rudeness and not something to be rejoiced. Not in our family. They are a source of constant humour. For all ages. Septuagenarians down to winkies. Even the dog can do a comedy fart. Which is why it is important that a date, the current man friend, can celebrate all that is gaseous with the rest of us.

Hot date of  some time was anti fart. ( read this earlier blog  for my love of all things farty and his opposition) This meant no more of the morning salutation that sounded something to Colonel Hathi from the Jungle Book. It meant uncomfortable wriggling and jiggling to let one out, silently. I have to say that when that particular relationship was over there was a particular joyous moment when I did my first morning fart. Trumpety trump!

My family can recount tales of the best/worst fart moments from the annals ( geddit?) of time. My girlfriends laugh at the prospect of being an old woman letting slip. Or not so old. Toilet humour abounds with all that I know.  No more will I hide my farting like guilty secret when in fact it is a guilty pleasure. Although having come out of the unisex Everybody toilets at Everyman cinema last night having accidentally let slip to face a (handsome) man grinning ear to ear waiting to use said cubicle I felt a little blush rising in my cheeks.

So back to dating. Should I hold back and wait a little longer to flush out my dates stance on farting? Not least it should detect a good sense of humour. Which is why on date 3 I think I need to flush out his stance on farting. This could be a make or break (wind ) moment. made worse by the fact that we are probably going to go for a curry! And suddenly this song pops into my head.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Hold on!

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