Saturday, 26 January 2013

How not to pick up poo

When Grumpy Old Man comes to stay he has a firm bond with the dog and she with him. She is the lucky beneficiary of his early morning rising. Naturally being a dog walker means you have to be a dog
pooper-picker-uperer and with this there comes certain skills and knowledge accrued over time. Unfortunately Grumpy Old Man isn't quite there yet as he regaled us with his latest tale.

My tips for him and anyone else new to the dog poo picking up malarkey is this:

  1. Take plenty of bags. If you take only 1 the hound will do 2 poos leaving you in embarrassing dilemma
  2. The bag itself. I used to use old shopping plastic bags but as I use those bags for life now the old plastic bags are in short supply so I made to baby aisle and bought nappy bags for about 10p. Cheaper than black poo bags but does the same job for a jobbie
  3. Dogs are creature of habits.They invariably like to poo the minute they set off on a walk. Idenyfying their poo preferecnes can be of great help. Mine will not poo on lead or on anything onther than grass. This leads to my next point
  4. If your dog is like the above and if you are lucky enough to have a dog like mine I can stop her pooing at inopportune moments. ie in front of a large bus queue or as an army of rugby players run past *cough
  5. If your dog eats grass then chances are that at some point you are going to have to do the "Sit Shit & Stamp on it" manoeuvre or be faced with pulling it out yourself. This may also happen if you have a dog who likes to eat things ( looks at sisters dog .) I do know of  a dog that once ate a money bag like you get at the bank - most unfortunate when passing through.
  6. Most of the year the seasons are kind to dog lovers to help find the turd if they have galloped off ahead of you, only to assume the pose and dash off before you get there. Snow is obvious with steam rising off the brown beacon guiding you in, Spring again lets you find the feces with little effort likewise summer. But Autumn!  Oh My God the leaves, the leaves! I tell you this is almost a mission impossible. I swear that before now I have probably picked up a brownie that belonged to someone else dog who had probably given up the hunt.
  7. My final tip is for my Loveable but Grumpy Old Man. If you find that you only have the largest plastic shopping bag to hand then you will realise that when you bag it and tie it that you may just  trap air in it. It now looks like you are carrying a pigs bladder around with ready to play footie before finding a bin. If this is the case you may want release the air very carefully. DO NOT open bag and with face hovering over bag in relative close proximity and then squeeze air out! You may have the top layer of eyeballs steamed of with rancid poo pong and go temporarily blind

1 comment:

  1. I do the stoop and scoop method on my borrowed dog walks - a bit like putting a duvet cover on inside out - you have bag over hand like plastic glove- grab poo and with other hand ease bag off hand with turd neatly inside. Tie knot and proceed to nearest bin. The worst thing is when the dog needs his arse wiped and I haven't got a method for that yet!