Monday, 28 January 2013

Who ate the last piece?

This is a cry that can be heard more often or not in my home.

Who drank the last coke/juice/milk?

Who ate the last brownie/cookie/cake etc? It must be said that I rarely hear a forlorn cry of who ate the last apple although there were some mutterings recently over the mango.

I have taken to hiding things all over our house like some demented squirrel. Often forgetting where I have hidden the damn stuff coming across it many months later having gone and bought more supplies of same item. At Christmas I had to resort to sticking notices on the fridge

Most recently I have gone to the cake tin where I splashed out and bought a Marks & Spencer Simnel cake.

2 days ago a quarter had gone and no one ate any yesterday. However when I took the lid off today only half remains and the wee marzipan balls have all but disappeared thus robbing me of my sad joke about which disciple I'm about to eat. So who ate my balls and cake?

Saturday, 26 January 2013

How not to pick up poo

When Grumpy Old Man comes to stay he has a firm bond with the dog and she with him. She is the lucky beneficiary of his early morning rising. Naturally being a dog walker means you have to be a dog
pooper-picker-uperer and with this there comes certain skills and knowledge accrued over time. Unfortunately Grumpy Old Man isn't quite there yet as he regaled us with his latest tale.

My tips for him and anyone else new to the dog poo picking up malarkey is this:

  1. Take plenty of bags. If you take only 1 the hound will do 2 poos leaving you in embarrassing dilemma
  2. The bag itself. I used to use old shopping plastic bags but as I use those bags for life now the old plastic bags are in short supply so I made to baby aisle and bought nappy bags for about 10p. Cheaper than black poo bags but does the same job for a jobbie
  3. Dogs are creature of habits.They invariably like to poo the minute they set off on a walk. Idenyfying their poo preferecnes can be of great help. Mine will not poo on lead or on anything onther than grass. This leads to my next point
  4. If your dog is like the above and if you are lucky enough to have a dog like mine I can stop her pooing at inopportune moments. ie in front of a large bus queue or as an army of rugby players run past *cough
  5. If your dog eats grass then chances are that at some point you are going to have to do the "Sit Shit & Stamp on it" manoeuvre or be faced with pulling it out yourself. This may also happen if you have a dog who likes to eat things ( looks at sisters dog .) I do know of  a dog that once ate a money bag like you get at the bank - most unfortunate when passing through.
  6. Most of the year the seasons are kind to dog lovers to help find the turd if they have galloped off ahead of you, only to assume the pose and dash off before you get there. Snow is obvious with steam rising off the brown beacon guiding you in, Spring again lets you find the feces with little effort likewise summer. But Autumn!  Oh My God the leaves, the leaves! I tell you this is almost a mission impossible. I swear that before now I have probably picked up a brownie that belonged to someone else dog who had probably given up the hunt.
  7. My final tip is for my Loveable but Grumpy Old Man. If you find that you only have the largest plastic shopping bag to hand then you will realise that when you bag it and tie it that you may just  trap air in it. It now looks like you are carrying a pigs bladder around with ready to play footie before finding a bin. If this is the case you may want release the air very carefully. DO NOT open bag and with face hovering over bag in relative close proximity and then squeeze air out! You may have the top layer of eyeballs steamed of with rancid poo pong and go temporarily blind

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

This isn't an Indiana Jones Adventure

Tara's theme this week is adventure.

If you have children than raising them is an adventure. Having Teens turns that adventure into a somewhat unpredictable and not always a pleasant one. There are different levels to this adventure; some of them so funny you cry, others nail biting worrying, some to make your blood boil. others that make your chest burst with pride and that test your parenting skills on to new levels.

To get them to 18 is like passing "Go" on the Monopoly board. You certainly don't get £200 when you go past in fact quite the opposite, but you feel like you have got to them to somewhere called being responsible. You also realise what a mean and nasty world we live in; how naive they are. Their belief that everyone is telling the truth; why would people mislead you, lie, steal your money etc? Why you cant party and still have enough money to live from - somethings got to give. With age comes responsibility and in turn respect - quite possibly the two major currencies of the world, the fifty pound notes so to speak. They certainly seem be our main trading currency chez nous. You certainly can't command it if you don't give it back. Without these pillars you are not going to get far in life. 

It is not wrong to make mistakes but it is foolish not learn from them.Sometimes when you have to stand back to let them make those mistakes that is the hardest part of the adventure for all, for both of you. The mistake you make as as a teenager are part of the foundations for your adventure of life. Make it count and have a fabulous adventure.

Saturday, 12 January 2013


It's is New Year's Day. It is morning, She-ra & I decide to accompany the Grumpy Old Man to the park for a walk. We end up arriving as the local running club are doing a "hey-aren't-we-mad" 5k fun run ( quite fancy joining them next year .) There were a hundred or so mad souls lycrad up ready to run for it. She-ra and I amble in front of GoM who is busy taking as many photos as possible. We are asked to stop for a snap.
"Grandad" says She-ra
No reaction
"Grandad" she repeats a little more persistent
Still no response
"Grandad!" Definitely insistent
"Dad!" I cry
We get this look.

"It's Simba" she whisphered to me.
We look at the mass of runners heading towards him at a rapid pace. We look at each other. The next minute we are rolling around on the floor holding each other up crying with laughter. Dad meanwhile makes it to safety