Sunday, 22 July 2012

Tainted Love

So there we are meeting an old friend for dinner straight after work. An old male friend who is old. Just friends. We found a restaurant. I say found because neither of us go out very much and me even less so in the big city that I work in. We were overwhelmed with the choice; all chains all claiming to be different but all looking remarkably similar. Spoilt with choice we plumped for nearest one. Now this post is not a restaurant review but given my training and background I cant ignore it; it was dire. I wont name names but you really need to get you act to gather from service through to food quality. And why would you want to name your chain after a long necked leaf eating safari wandering beast anyway?

However sat as we were, chin waging, over mediocre food I kept looking around at the bright young things as you do. Only on closer examination there weren't many bright young things but more older desperate things. It got worse when you left the restaurant. At 8:30pm the night is yet young but not those prowling on its' streets.It's full of scary people. Groups of men leering at you, they may as well have had their tongue out and rubbing their thighs a la Vic Reeves.

Middle aged women done up to the 9's or even 9:30's responding to said leering in a giggly girlie fashion. Flashing way too much flesh for a Thursday evening. Letching at every young male daring to meander pass. This isn't dating. This is being "up for it" of a whole new level.We are almost at the point where men, and women alike, will be dragging their victims off over their shoulder Cave man like.Or grabbing a la Big Fat Gypsy wedding. It felt like I had inadvertently stumbled into massive speed dating city wide exercise. It was vile. "Take me out" has landed on our streets. Is this what it's like across the land? Do our cities become some mass dating scene with everyone being extremely overt in their attempts to attract the opposite sex. Where are the subtleties, the discreetness. I'm not a prude but recently I find myself really shocked at was has become acceptable behaviour between the sexes. And don't get me started on cinema ratings and the post 9pm watershed. I still haven't got over Christina Aguilera shaking her naked arse in chaps on a children's Saturday morning TV programme many years ago. Maybe this outrage comes hand in hand watching my own children growing up and coming to terms with what is or isn't acceptable. Displays of explicit sexual gratification, bad language and violence should be policed and restricted a little more strictly than they are at present.Oh my god I've turned into Mary Whitehouse!

Silent Sunday

Monday, 16 July 2012

Great Yorkshire Show Virgins

We have been planning this day for some time, years in fact. To finally get to visit the biggest show in the county. 900 stalls, a multitude of livestock competitions, food stalls galore. Oh we were ready. We had the wellies, the camera, the brolly and the desire to see everything. Arriving at early doors in an already boggy field we did not care a jot as we marched into the show and were captivated by everything. Actually mainly all the livestock. Conversations were had with the falconry guys where I dazzled them, not, with my townie knowledge of why owls eyes are different colours. She-ra was besotted with the horses, me with the pigs. We ate bacon butties ( after seeing the pigs ) mahossive cake and sipped samples of sloe gin, Sipsmith gin and cider. It rained and it poured but nothing could diminish our love for a great day out. From bowler hats to amazing whiskers a seriously  Grand Day out. If the cold started to get to us with the interminable rain we knew we could always buy some hideous county fair jumper that would be worn on only the coldest days ( or at our soon  to be had camping holiday ) but thankfully we braved it through. The country attire at fine country prices, even when hideous was quite incredible. Hunter wellies, tweed jackets and sticks at the ready. Don't forget your wicker basket!

Dreading the drive out of the car park we were in fact out in a jiffy. What relief we attended on the first day as it was cancelled after that due the Great British Summer weather. Now we just need a small holding and some fine young farm hands and that'll be me sorted then.