Wednesday, 27 June 2012

What would Dave do?

We have recently had a holiday for two, daughter and me. Her treat for all that hard studying for gcse's etc. She didn't go for the option of a festival and 5 days in the mud like my son did previously. A lady of sophisticated tastes.
Little did I know that we would meet Dave and Ken. I think Daughter and I secretly fell for our new holiday companions. Dave was in his late 20's, a man very laid back almost horizontal. And who wouldn't be when they had managed to gamble their way to a successful multi million pound pot of dosh and quit whilst he was ahead. His winnings also included a boutique hotel where he worked incognito in the bar ans well as some post country house in Yorkshire. He was also quite god looking too - sort of  mash up between Channing Tatum & Taylor Lautner in a less tanned way. But if you thought it was great all the way he had lost both his parents in a terrible accident when he was 12 and been brought up by his uncle James, a keen gambler, along with is much younger sister but his elder brother couldn't hack it and had justdisappeared. Poor love.

Ken on the other hand was a bit older and if you screwed your eyes up looked like a dark haired version of a scruffy Brad Pitt. He was in his early 30's and had given his career up as some sort of designer in an architectural practice after his wife had died and became a Landscape architect. He was often found apparently in his Land Rover Defender covered in mud with his dog, Woof, as a companion. ( As doggie people we were keen to know the breed bit it was some sort of cross breed lurcher and black thing .) He also liked to wander around naked when at home which was one fact we didn't need to know.
We couldn't understand how these two became friends but apparently it was over Jamie Oliver recipes when both found themselves in the supermarket shopping for the same ingredients. From there a love of food grew, a passion for 5 a side footie and beer. Ken had only recently found about Dave's wealth ( although we don't think he knew the full extent of all those zeros) but that didn't seem to impress him that much. A true Bro-mance. Dave made us laugh and we often found ourselves saying "What would Dave say?" or "would Ken like this?"
Oh yes we had struck gold with such handsome funny guys for holiday companions.Here are a couple of photos of our new friends.....................

That's right, meet Ken & Dave, our alter egos. It all started when She-ra said she'd been calling herself Dave in the mirror when she realised she had a beard. Blessed with over-active imaginations and a lot of time on our hands we fell for these guys and now I want one. Will you be my Ken or Dave? Hello Dave?

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Lesbian eye

I think you must have misheard me. The title of our most recent Book Club group was in fact Gillespie & I, Jane Harris. However like the bunch of old women we are fast becoming none of us could hear what the other one said, most likely because we all talk over each other all the time, very fast. So as we kept asking each other to repeat it we arrived at Lesbian Eye. A catchy title don't you think?

We have had some great books chosen over the past couple of years - some we wished we hadn't - that'll be the Erotic literature novel - Insatiable - insisted upon by one member even though it wasn't her turn to choose, to some greats. I have to say we all read Insatiable but it was about as erotic as a wet kiss from a dog and certainly didn't qualify for erotic literature label. I could write better "erotic" than that. To get a flavour of some of our past reads we have had in no particular order

  1. Suspicions of Mr Whicher
  2. The Road home - Rose Tremain 
  3. The Postmistress - Sarah Blake
  4. A Voyage for Madmen - Peter nichols
  5. One Day - David Nicholls - this was also my give away on the first World book day
  6. The House at Riverton - Kate Morton
  7. The Brief History of the dead - Kevin Brockmeier - On of my all time top favourites
  8. The Other Hand Chris Cleave - Inspirational
This evening we will be reviewing said Lesbians Eye and I doubt we will pause for breath. I'll let you know the next choice but in the meantime it's me and Lisbeth Salander in the last of the Millennium series. I'm reading it slowly, savouring because I know it's the end of beautiful relationship

Monday, 18 June 2012

Boris Johnson is a bumble bee

She-ra & I have been chilling outside munching bacon butties and watching the world go by, making the most of the sunshine that has decided to grace us with its presence. A wee ladybird crosses our paths and we observe.

"If it could talk" starts She-ra" it would sound like..... Ray Winstone."
"What" cries I, "Ray Winstone?"
"Of course, I like the juxtaposition of a Lady sounding like Ray"
"What do wasps sound like then?" I ask
She retorts straight back "  A Mexican. A Mexican Drug Lord in fact"
"Worms then?" I continue
We were struggling then and then I decided they would  sound Scandinavian.
A very busy ant then crosses our path. I love ants.
" Ants are most definitely from Noo Yorkah" We agree and then practice our best Noo York accents which always finish with "Hey Mila Kunis" ( dont ask)
"If wasps are Mexican what about Bumble bees? I expect them to be very English, Winnie the Pooh-esque" I say
Quick as flash she replies " Boris Johnson is a Bumble Bee"

I love my daughters surreal sense of humour.