Monday, 19 March 2012

Yo mama!

 A Silent Sunday post  made the grade on Mothers day but really I would just like to pay tribute to the lovely mothers I know. *Drum roll for roll call.

Friday, 9 March 2012

Oh Knobs!

The desperate need for clothes still evades me. My work wardrobe has now taken on the ilk of a middle aged woman who is still wearing what once was trendy thus making me look ancient. In addition everything I own is about 2 sizes to big due to the extreme-weight-loss-diet which can by achieved through the-extreme-stress-plan. If you are lucky you can also get weird-skin-disorder too with this diet; I'm currently sporting a lovely rash round my nose and mouth, hmm sexy. I digress.
Still mourning the loss of my local Benetton and preferred supplier of said work wear I need to cast my net further afield. I have had an aversion to Next for many a year, probably based on some ridiculous faux pas in the past, however I am warming to their clothes for work mainly based on price. I have also spied a dress in Tesco of all places that could pass for a Hobbs number if you didn't look too closely or touch the fabric ( I could ignite at any moment). It pisses me off that I am expected to be suited and booted which I have to fund when actually I have my eye on a rather snazzy leather biker jacket instead.

I love heels and wear them mainly to work as my social life seems to consist of running up stairs, taxi driver, maintenance man, Mrs Fix it, none of which require heels but a good pair of sturdy shoes and overalls ( which I also don't posses.) So shoes clearly need an overhaul as the impulse buy of Jasper Conran at Debenhams a year or so ago has left me with a pair of hideous black patent things that would look more at home in a charity shop. ( Charity shops I love, by the way, and faired very well on the clothing front from from Reiss, to Ted Baker but I draw the line at shoes and anything that has been near you Hoo Har - namely trousers.)

*Deep breath,  I can fast feel the wardrobe overhaul disappearing again because I need to 2 knobs for my oven. The bastards keep jumping off and smashing to smithereens on the floor so the temperature is a bit of guess work. Mr Ariston, if you are listening, I am not impressed with your wares and much preferred my Rangemaster. In addition to this She-ra wobbled and wavered using the fridge door to hang on to for fear she might fall all of, erm, 2 inches to the floor. (This is also known as a SUI - see English mum for more info.) Said integrated appliance hinges cost a fortune - or should that be a cost a 2 piece suit. And finally the vacuum is kicking out horrible rubber smells and needs new parts. I discovered this one Saturday where my plans for chilling went by the by and in place I did an emergency crash course on Vacuum cleaner dismantling and repairs.Yes that's the planned shopping trip put on hold yet again but you will be able to admire my lovely new Knobs and ask me if they are the latest season - wont you?

Saturday, 3 March 2012


We had been burgled (again ). I was stood in the hall of our house with local constabulary (again ). The children were toddlers and I was trying to keep them as unaware of what had happened as you could be when you back door has been broken in and your tv gone and they were hankering after dvd.

I recall serious conversations with the boys in blue. We had been burgled nearly every year we were in that damned house and this was one of the worst ones and if I remember rightly a lot of sentimental stuff going and the dog getting a kicking too.

As we discussed what had happened the fax machine in the hall kicked in whirring and pootling by the elbow of the constable. We ignored it as the paper started to pull through. But then you couldn't ignore it as I began to realise that my sister ( probably 18/19 at the time ) was sending me a photocopy of her face.