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Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Spit Spat

We've had a houseful and now it back us 3 and a dog. Please take a walk through our time together this evening.
I arrive home 6 ish. She-ra is elbow deep in cookie mixture in full baking mode.
He-man is in his lair playing on PS2.
I lovingly make dinner, trying to inject a bit of spice into our midweek tea time meals. Spiced lamb mince kebabs, rice with veggies and salad. A mini triumph mid week so I thought
I manage to talk to She-ra about revision , queue lots of eye rolling and hair flicking and a reach for the ear plugs so she can't hear me whilst staring goggle eyed at the PC.
He-man seems to have drunk his body weight in coke.
All are summoned to table. Within minutes the teenagers are fighting, pinching each others food. licking the rim of each others glasses and generally behaving appallingly. When they then started spitting at each others food I threw a fit. They have never done this sort ofthing before and I don't know where it comes from. It seems to be recent development between the two of them. From snarling and generally avoiding each other we are now entering toddler behaviour territory. Just the other day I had to pull over as they fought in the back of the car over who was being Easter Bunny. He-man invariably starts it. She-ra rises to the bait giggling before it turns into crying. They don't seem to mention this stage in the self books. Believe me I look. I keep these books near my bed like security blankets that can ward off evil teen behaviour. They have failed miserably.
I am now sat on my own in the sitting room. She-ra is floating between bathroom, bedroom and 90210. He-man has got changed again and after pootling on facebook has come to play annoy-a-mother. He's a master of this game.
I hope this current spell of behaving badly ends soon. Give me strength please in huge doses.

Saturday, 9 April 2011

The Hat



( In answer to some of the questions following my recent Silent Sunday post here you go )

This is The Hat that my good friend Meldy lent me to go to the Ball I didn't want to go to because I had a shite day.
I took my daughter & her mates to cadets dressed to the nines with flat shoes on. I have never gotten ready so quickly, granted I was a bit hairy and probably smelly but heigh ho. Note to self - never ever try and apply fake tan to legs when in a hurry or without gloves. Frantic scrubbing came next.
I had taken up the invitation some months earlier from a supplier who is such a nice man in the true sense of the of the word. He was in his kilt and glengarry making a fine figure.
The Ball was some swanky legal bash and we were late.
We were late as the taxi firm are fuck wits sending the cab to the wrong house.
Missing the champagne reception we ran up the steps where we were set upon by a man dressed as a White rabbit. " You're late you're late" he cried waving a gigantic pocket watch at us. I'm not sure if could read my lips but I think it started with an F and ended in off.
I was glad of the hat even though it was a bit tight. No one looks at your face when you wear a big hat and yes I was wearing knickers, bloody great big red ones!

Thursday, 7 April 2011

A wee ditty


Having been brought up on the likes of Dr Suess, Lewis Caroll and Spike Milligan I have a penchant for the daftness of phrase coupled with the need to turn a sad situation into a happy-laugh-your-socks-off one. the latter a skill that my son also possess which can make it impossible to be annoyed with him sometimes and others really pushes your buttons. However such skill was called into play this week ( on a number of occasions ) and I feel that I will be repeating the following ditty on many occasions over the next few weeks. I give you Poo:

cow shit, sheep shit, rabbit shit too
goat shit, dog shit and elephant poo




Saturday, 2 April 2011

Right here right now

Right here right now I have been slurping a cup of freshly brewed coffee in bed after waving good bye to Hot Date as he heads back home. I have drafted my to do list for the day and already know that I wont get it all done. I haven't sat in bed and pottered on laptop first thing in the morning for months. Probably because it is usually in some teens room. But it's my guilty pleasure. I'm pondering tomorrow - Mother's Day - and wondering whether my 2 will even remember. They forgot once, the year after the Great Split , I was so upset. I don't expect gifts, a home made card and kind gestures would suffice but not nothing at all. I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring but I do know it brings memories of my own mother who I lost so many years ago now that her memory is fragile like antique cloth. Touch it and it disintegrates in your fingers. I have such a poor memory in general that I look at photos and try desperately hard to remember the circumstance around it. I have even considered going to hypnotherapy to see if they can unlock those memories. Then I panic and think maybe there is a reason for all these gaps, maybe there is something dark lurking in there? I could really do with my mum right now as I'm having a horrendous time with my eldest and need support with my youngest. I need someone to tell me that it will be alright, that I am doing my best and that is OK. All of this makes me feel like a terrible mother; I look back at how I have brought him up and wonder where I have gone wrong when the youngest is pretty OK.