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Monday, 28 March 2011

WIND


Wind. By wind I mean farts, bottom burps, an air attack, a bum and flutter, a chunder, an SBD. I have a big list. The problem is this. I fart. Every morning soon after waking I fart. Very loudly. I can't help it. It's something I do. There is no smell but it is like a small bugle band in my own bedroom. I have done this for years. In fact I can't stop it. Or so I thought. Then I met Hot Date. Let's be serious here for one moment. Imagine the mood the morning after a night of passion or even the morning of passion. You cannot under any circumstances let rip with gusto. You cannot let rip at all. So what do you do? How do you hold farts in? I have no idea but I seem to have mastered the technique. All this without having to adopt a silly walk of clenched buttocks as I disappear out of the room backwards to a far away part of the house to let rip of a triple thunder flutter. At first it was only when he was here. Then it seemed to spread to every day of the week. I was silently triumphant. I had controlled my wayward wind bags. The morning bugle party is no more. Or so I thought. Given I knew that I could break the sound barrier I felt after some time that it would only be fair to forewarn poor Hot Date that Concorde indeed had not just flown past it was me, just in case the incident ever arose that I did just let one off accidentally.
(This is particularly true now as I am getting older and farts can just slip out without warning. So I thought being up front and honest about it would make it better. But no. He doesn't fart, ever, it would appear, particularly in front of the kids or anyone else for that matter. This comes a shock to me. My family was raised on good fart humour. My mother spent years tying to decipher what food made Grumps farts so bleedin' toxic - ice cream in case you are interested. My father used to do the most amazing SBD's and then refuse to wind the window down in the car. We even have a fart machine that my 5 year old nephew loves. To us there is nothing like a good fart followed by a good laugh. Whoopee Cushions are a must on everyone's Christmas list. Since Hot Date has revealed his non fart status my bowels have rebelled. Let me out, they seem to cry every morning. The bugles are back with a vengeance. I know any time soon that one day, early in the morning I will hear shrieking as he is blasted to the other side of the bedroom by my billowy bowels. Oh the shame.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

An educated follow up

My team were feeling about down they needed a bit of a larf. So following on from Taras latest Gallery theme an education I decided to show my team the photos, incuding the worst one I have ever had taken. This is a brave step as work and blog do not normally meet ever ever ever.
The comments were
OMG is that you - you look just like your son! - great I really want to look like a stubbly grunty 16 year old boy - photo 1
OMG you look just like your daughter - photos 2 - why thank you. Im happy to look like a stunning fresh faced nearly 15 year old
OMG that was before hair straightners and you can almost smell the rebellion - Photo 3 - er thanks I fink innit?
It started somethign and we've just had a good ol giggle at everyone else. Thanks tara what a great idea

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

An education

Tara's theme of education filled me with dread. Not the dreaded school photos but I was at a loss of what else to do. Having just come back from She-ra's parents evening I can see that she fast heading towards the last photo. All eye liner, mussed up hair and oh yes a large soup├žon of attitude. Anyway and hey ho you have primary school to first years at high school to well, yes can see the rebellion yet? ( I would also like to point out that I am being very brave putting the first photo on because that is also the WORST-HAIR-CUT-I-EVER-HAD-EVER. The hairdresser though I was a boy and made damn sure I looked like on by the end of it. Oh how I cried. ) Fortunately for me my scanner isn't working or I think I would have been compelled to put even more images on. I like to share don't you know. It's a good job I didn't have any of me in 6th form that would have been scary.


Sunday, 20 March 2011

Hung out to dry

Silent Sunday - I wish I'd found you sooner. First washing out on the line of the year

Silent Sunday

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Too much information

My Dahlink sister has tagged me in a 3 by 9 meme. How kind. She knows all of this already, she also knows I am compelled to share maybe a little too much information and then she asks me to partake in this. So I will show you mine, I will tag 3 others and they can show theirs too and so on.

Three names I go by: Mum, Bolly ( you'll have to work that one out ), Auntie

Three places I’ve lived: Yorkshire, South of France (but only for 6 months more's the pity ) and Edinburgh - och the noo!

Three places I’ve worked: For my self, for someone else in the family and a friend

Three things I love to watch: Top Gear, Waking the Dead, Graham Norton

Three places I have been & love:

Palma, sitting outside the modern art museum with my mates playing celebrity look-a-likee, or was that Monte Carlo. Ok make this any place that I have been with my mates and chilled over a long lunch.

A tiny wee village in Scotland home to my Scottish BFF - it rarely seems be sunny but is beautiful and the company more than makes up for the weather. This is in joint place with Budleigh Salterton just for the noise the pebbles make with the sea.

Callela Palafrugell - snorkelling for the first time with my kids. Crystal clear water, beautiful scenery. Take me back now

Three people that email me regularly: My Sister, Hot Date and Star pa

Three things I love to eat: Avocado, steakfrites ( see how clever I was in making that one item ,) cherries

Three people I think will respond: If you are tagged then it would be rude not to

Three things I am looking forward to: Holland in April, The Annual Egg Rolling Championships in April, and my Hot Date hot holiday in June.

I’d love to read a “three by nine” meme post by: Betty, Auntie Gwen, trish @ and mum'sgoneto, manana mama ,and libby. Apoligies if you have already been tagged but please do pass it on.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Love a good bit of wood


Trees. Love 'em. When Tara announced this as her theme for The Gallery this week I knew I would have a wealth of photos to choose from. Luckily I already had some on my phone as the scanner isn't working as you could also have seen pictures of me as a tree aged about 16. I have never seen a tree look quite like I did. Think Liza Minelli Cabaret with a few shiny green leaves sown on. I think the teachers were just perving but hey ho. Love trees just love 'em - I am fully paid up member of tree hugging society. Even the Klimt pictures on my stair well are of trees.
I give you three recent images. The first reminds me of Lady Gaga's born to me video. The second and third happen to be the parks where I go dog walking and I love it there. Enjoy my trees.



Sunday, 13 March 2011

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

6 million,1844,5000



Join the revolution

Get involved


Sponsored Post

Numbers numbers numbers. For most big organisations that is all we, its customers, are. In fact I think most customers feel just that; a number. The Cooperative Group has some impressive numbers. 6 millions members, 5000 outlets and founded in 1844 bu its Rochdale founding fathers. This actually tickles me because as a member of Yorkshire Mafia i am fiercely proud of my Yorkshire roots and have an in built dislike of anything from the other side ( of the Pennines that is .) I have in my minds eye a bunch of aged gentleman in smocks rolling the r's and talking about buuks ( books ) and "Luuk here don't tha thinks that its grand idea that we all become members of a group that looks after its members like" At which point they click their heels and tap their clogs. A massive generalisation I know but it works for me. It certainly worked for them because today the Cooperative group boasts a huge number of members and has services such as food, financial services, travel, pharmacy and funerals. I for one use their banking arm and never felt like a number. They are proud of their ethical stance and support of local community groups. In fact so proud they are launching a new TV campaign this week celebrating just that, the impact the co-opters had on the world and urging people to join them in continuing their revolution.


Here are a couple of schemes to inspire to get involved.



A sustainable, co-operative school inspiring young people



The Co-operative’s Green Schools initiative is the most wide-ranging sustainability programme in UK schools. From helping to organize walking buses, to providing visits to green energy sites, and to farms to see how food is grown, they can engage pupils with a broader spectrum of projects than any other UK business.



One school to benefit from this partnership with The Co-operative was Sir Thomas Boughey High School in Staffordshire. It was one of the first Co-operative Business Colleges in the UK and one of 185 schools they have helped to generate their own green electricity.



They helped the kids to get involved by becoming young co-operators, and funded a roof-mounted solar panel system. As a major sponsor, they also support the school, staff, parents and pupils, in all areas of the curriculum. Not bad eh? It's just thing my two would have loved when they were at Primary school, even if it was just the walking bus.



Or



A young dancer with a new goal to pursue



The Co-operative StreetGames Young Volunteers is supported by The Co-operative to offer mentor training to young people. It provides sporting activities in communities where they may not have been available previously, and lets the volunteers explore new possibilities and gain new qualifications.



One such volunteer was Jamie, a teenager from Northumberland, who has used her love of dancing to map out her future career path. After becoming a StreetGames Volunteer, Jamie now teaches urban dance 5 times a week to younger children at her local dance academy – Factory Dance Academy.



Jamie’s expectations have been transformed. Instead of leaving school at 16 as she first intended, Jamie is about to start a BTEC in Dance, Health and Social Care and Business, with the aim of pursuing a career in community dance.



If you want to learn more and how you can get involved then take a look at The Co-operative Group "http://www.facebook.com/TheCooperative?v=info">Facebook pages or have a gander at their "http://www.co-operative.coop/join-the-revolution/get-involved">webpages</a> to see how you can get involved in creating your own Revolution. I think I will see if there is anyway that my son's local Rugby Club can benefit as it seems it all the criteria.


Thursday, 3 March 2011

World Book Night Giver

On 5th March I will be heading out in the dark with my 48 books * geez what was I thinking when I signed up for this. (I think I have some kind of disorder that makes me want to complete forms all the time, does it have a name this disorder like formaholic?) My title of which I have 48, yes 48, copies of to give away, having to choose from what was on offer there could only be one for me at the time. One Day by David Nicholls. A lovely story that made me want to cry at the end, so sad.
Firstly I have to collect the f*ckers I mean books. I had not thought this through logistically. 48 books are going to weigh a lot. I shall have to see if I can persuade He-man to give me a bit of his muscle. I predict a lot of eye rolling at this point. She-ra will want one but will probably never read it. I have actually forgotten who I said I wanted to give my books to - I think the hospice where mum died was one intended recipient. Each book has to be identified so its' journey can be tracked which I rather like the idea of. Who knows where it will end up? I always love the inscriptions in second books and now I'm taking part - kind of. No doubt I shall probably twitter my night should you wish to find out how I get on.