Saturday, 26 February 2011

Brown Paper packages tied up with string

There are some things in life that just do it for me. They don't cost the earth, more times than not they are even free. Warm sunshine in winter or early spring. The perfectly cooked steak Frites. The pop of a cork and the glug glug sound of a brilliant bottle of red. A phone call form someone you love. I give you simple pleasures.

Naturally family is a very simple pleasure when done right. the fact that I look rather bizarre in this pose is forgiven for the fact I have both my children with me and they are smiling and he-man isn't pulling a face.
The dog walk - What more can I say? She loves me and I love her. We see the first signs of the seasons changing together, she snuggles & nuzzles me. we have only just started walking together again after 3 long months due to stupid leg. I think she was delighted and extra bouncy that day.
My girl friends. Not that they are a simple but we do find laughter in the simplest of things. they are there for the good and the bad times. I am blessed.
The perfect fresh black coffee. Every day. Does nothing for your teeth mind.
Cigar smoking.The aroma, the size...* in a wee trance. I don't do it any more but so easily could, I really really could.
Perfectly ripe fruit or vegetables. The first of the season. I have to have asparagus or strawberries. Peaches and cherries being a big favourite. Life can be a bowl of cherries.

And sometimes you need batteries.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Bra Wars

I needed new bras. Scrap that needed new lingerie. After all I have a Hot Date in my life and half the fun is in the unwrapping. He had even been sending me suggestions via email, with favourite being Ultimo. Sorry but I like to try before I buy and they only do mail order. I had to be in the right frame of mind to be constantly stripping off in garishly lit changing rooms getting the old baps out whilst trying to decide if it fitted or not. So despite the recent sudden dump of snow I was up for it, I was going to town, I was going to strip off innumerable times, I was going to bare all in front of madams who hoist you in and manoeuvre your bosoms about. All very very sexy.

First obstacle was the fact that my boobs have changed cup size again. I know you are supposed to get them measured every year but let's face it they're aren't that many of us who actually do that ( or do they?) I don't actually mind the measuring part it s the fact that my body seems determined to go through every bleedin letter of the alphabet when it comes to cup size. We are now out of Double D's and into E bah gum territory. Then of course each manufacturer sizes differently so you end up trying on a truck load.

So there I was in House of Fraser naked from the waist up trying on everything from Calvin to Elle. I think I tried on about 25 bras in total. When one of them attacked me - see the scars.
These were very painful. You see I am of the school who has to fasten at the front and pull round. I am not of the school who can be double jointed and have eyes in the back of their head and fasten behind their back. I think I might have to try that. I left House of Fraser with one solitary purchase of matching brief and bra feeling wounded and not at all sexy. I thought I'd give M&S a whirl for once but no joy there. I even traipsed into Ann Summers ( there will be another blog post about that one along very soon *ahem.) As I sat with my girlfriends sipping coffee for a Saturday afternoon catch up I thought there is nothing for it I am going to have to go to the local lingerie shop where I know I will get a wow bra all be it a bit pricey. I don't think I have been here since post divorce so call it three years. I knew I would be parting with about £40-£50 quid.

As I stood in the changing room trying on yet even more bras without a tape measure in site whilst being told about my wide breasts and deformed spine pushing them out, yes I felt like Quasimodo, I marvelled at this woman's expertise in bringing out the best in my bosoms in the most gorgeous bras ever. She was delighted I had entered her emporium looking for colourful and sexy bras as opposed to the usual black and white tee shirt bras. This woman could sell coals to Newcastle and ice to the Innuits. She is sat atop a gold mine with her till ringing out all day. I succumbed to a very sexy number with matching thong. A number that, apparently,has been flying out of the door and even women from France have been flying over to purchase because her prices are so competitive. However even I balked at the £150 price tag for a bra and tiny bit of lace knickers opting for the bra only. In fact I think I actually shrieked " how much?" when she told me the price. I might try and fashion something to match said boulder holder and see if I can pass it off as a £65 pair of knicks. I just wish I was one of those woman she kept telling me about who bought 3 or 4 sets at a time and had the budget to do. How much would you pay? I mean what is the average price of a bra? I have to confess though the £85 bra is a joy to wear and gives the confidence a boost nevermind the boobs.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Jive talking

I was trawling through some images the other day when i came upon this little beauty. I know it's out of focus. I know we look truly ridiculous. I know I know. But this has to be the best fancy dress outfit I have ever donned.Those teeth were amazing. I think I might nip to the fancy dress shop and buy some more of the teeth whitener as it certainly works and is a fraction of the cost. Apparently we have now grown out of the fancy dress stage but I wouldn't mind hauling Barry, Robin and Maurice out of the bag one more time or maybe a little Lara Croft?

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Express yourself

Tara's Gallery challenge this week is expressions. I have a few rude ones I would like to consider but have instead opted for these. When ever there is a camera about He-man strikes a pose. Expressions, pah!

I particularly like the expression on Gman-s face of total disdain as this was attempt number 500 to try and get a great grandson/grandad shot

Monday, 21 February 2011


We never have major accidents or health scares but we do have our fair share of mad dashes to A&E. I think out of all the OMG moments this one has to rank in the top 3 although we never made it to A&E.

He-man was using the bathroom *ahem. We had run out of wet wipes of the usual kind and a temporary tub in their place. The sort where you pull the tissue through a circle in the middle. That circle has a cross shape on it to allow tissue to come through,. You get the picture. I hear a yelp, then a bellow. "MUM!" My naked 14 year old son with a towel wrapped round his waist had somehow got his finger wedges in the centre. He has huge hands so how he managed to get a finger down there in the first place is beyond me.Well naturally I tried to help but this was very difficult. The finger was well and truly wedged in. I tried butter. I tried scissors. I tried pliers. None of them worked. It was the hardest plastic tub known to man kind. So I got out my scalpel and walked towards him. I think I may have had an evil grin.
"MUM!" he cried.

The finger was now quite swollen and beginning to turn blue.

There was nothing for it but to call in reinforcements. This was about 10 at night. Mate 1 & 2 arrived. I had forgotten that neither of them were really the best for medical emergencies yet here they were. One didn't do blood the other well just didn't. He-man was very embarrassed at his half naked state but the throbbing finger was now proving such a problem that this was quickly forgotten. As Mate 1 & 2 eventually decided on the scalpel option he had no other choice but to let them have a go. It didn't work. The pain was so much that after a frenzy using his left hand and all of his brute force to cut the plastic with a pair of pliers he released his now very swollen digit. All of this done in the bathroom in the shadow of a smelly poo.

My friends still cite this incident when we recall how they "don't do blood" & how well built my son was/is.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Mine always turn out like fanny's

I look to cook. I hate cooking tea. They are two very different things. Having the time at the weekends to try something new is great fun. Trying to think of what to feed the hungry masses during the week is a nightmare. However - blatant plug coming up yet this isn't a sponsored post- Sainsbury's magazine has been my saviour of recent months

I have more recipe books than you could wave a flour shaker at. In fact I purposefully lost some in transit although I have kept firm hold of Fanny Cradocks' booklet - it would be rude not to hold onto Fanny.

So what have we had to titillate out taste buds of late.

Top of the list chili chicken. Served with home made garlic bread ( yes I've dusted down the bread maker ) plus saute potatoes and green salad leaves.

Or how about lamb biryani or beef goulash.

Do NOT however try the butternut squash stuffed with lamb. It is not often I do a meal that is not nice, that makes me want to push it round my plate like a sullen primary school kid, but that dish did. In fact thinking about it now makes me want to gip

the Baking Genius in our midst as done all sorts of wondrous things from amaretti chocolate thing to lemon muffin things

Fanny's husband was called Johnny. And do you know what he recommended that we all wished that ours ( meals that is ) turned out like Fanny's. Now don't you just wish you could have had a picture.


I have realised I am into my 3rd year of blogging - well not quite but I did start in 2009. I have also realised that my output is a consistent 9 blogs per month, sometimes it less but never more. I am challenging myself to get it to 10 per month for 2011 or maybe that should be 11. I also thought I'd have a look at my web stats today. Haven't done that for months and months. I was pleasantly surprised. I looked at the key search words - OK Grannies wet gusset you know who you are - I hope you were intensely dissatisfied with what you found on my site. I had a look at the country map and was delighted to see my reach is spreading further afield, Hello Japan, New Zealand and Canada. As for returning visitors I am truly blessed that you like to come back and read the ramblings of someone who is clearly in the stages of "losing it" or so Hot Date keeps telling me anyway

Thank you all and I will try and up my efforts to increase my output even if its just wee bit.

Skanky Hair

Hey do you ever suffer from skanky hair? Do you need to try and eek it out an extra day knowing its just a wee bit too greasy but do it anyway? Well you need dry shampoo. Just spray on and you'll never the difference. No shit Sherlock. Just don't do it in a rush or too close to your head or you too could look like Morticia Adams crossed with the Mallen Streak.

Please also be aware that when you do wash your hair that your colleagues think you have been to some expensive salon due to the massive transformation of skankiness to foxiness. Insulting really don't you think.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Y shape

This is a Y shape for Tara's gallery. I regret I could not get any participants for the bollock shapes I had proposed to Tara earlier so this will have to do. (Although I was tempted to do a display of kiwi fruit.)
One teenager who, instead of asking " why?", assumed the shape of the said letter whilst on holiday ( some might call it that, I prefer week of hell) in Cornwall.