Friday, 7 January 2011

My name is Mrs Worthington and I am a crap parent

There are some days when I am truly embarrassed to call myself a mother. I'm no good at tough love and cave very easily. My kids are now 14 and 16 and I have failed as a parent and of course now it is too late. So please come and join my crap-parent-aholics group if you find yourself doing any of the following.

  • There are days when I am shouty mum for absolutely no other reason that I am. I hate myself for it and I act in a wholly unreasonable way and either hope it gets out of my system or that I don't do anything stupid.

  • I am inconsistent - see above. This morning shouty, this afternoon loving, who knows what the evening will bring?

  • I have been drunk in front my kids more times than I care to mention. Well more tipsy than drunk but definitely under influence. Most recently on Christmas day when I tried to fix my sisters curtain track whilst balancing in high heels on the back of a sofa before I went flying backwards through the air.

  • I don't spend enough time with my son. Or this could be my daughter. Mainly my son though. It's hard trying to fit one on one time when neither of us like each other much and one of spends most of their time in bed.

  • I have spent so much of my life putting them first that's its been bordering on the unhealthy, particularly since the departure of Mr Ex. Now it's my turn it's a bit of a shock to the system.

  • I can't be arsed with asking/nagging them to do jobs round the house. It's all the arguments that follows. Maybe its just their age but they never do things in the time frame that you want it doing in. If the dog is walked, the dishes cleaned and put away and the ironing mountain under control then I'm happy. G-man ( Grandad ) thinks otherwise and regularly has a go. This turns me into shouty mum. see point 1

  • I feel like I've let them grow up too quickly and my daughter seems to have gone from 11 to 20 in a very short space of time. She's 14 and is all knowing and far too wise for her age. She looks after me. I think its supposed to be the other way round.

  • I have to make a real effort to sit out and do nothing with them ie watch tv during the day. It seems such a waste.

  • I watch Misfits/The Inbetweeners and Skins with them. Cringing behind cushions all the time. She-ra is made to sit behind the cushions too when anything rude comes on the screen so all she hears is the sound effects. Maybe thats worse? She probably watches on demand anyway and just humours me, especially when i give the accompanying commentary about S E X. These are not family viewing programmes.

  • I struggle to keep a track of school life. Letters rarely make it home and I find homework difficult to understand. Why can't they teach old school like? *wails

  • If you feel that you share any of these traits then maybe we should form an official society or something. You could get a certificate in the post and be invited for Gin & Tonic evenings on a school night.


    1. I could join your society - I am experiencing everything you are apart from the Ex factor. I do love the Inbetweeners and watch with my 12 and 16 yr old who have to explain the jokes to me, sometimes I get tipsy just like you but my youngest always says 'are you drunk?' if I even laugh so I then go on a teetotal for a whole week as I get paranoid. I do get mood switches like you although other half has put it down to the menopause and usually tells me it's time for a happy pill if I disagree with anything bigger than whose making the tea. And yes we have lazy teenager syndrome nobody wants to make their bed, flush the loo, put shoes away, empty dishwasher - no way we can ever get the yappy dog as he would never get a walk.We have no idea what's going on at school or about homework, it took me five years to find out you can email the teachers direct. By the way, the chair you commented about sounds beautiful and I thought your Christmas wreath was good too, I think you do have some hidden talents and should be making stuff so hope 2011 is your year. Betty

    2. Oh I could give lessons on benign neglect parenting :)

      I am so with you in this club


    3. Betty - come on over and join in the Gin & tonics sounds like you are a fully paid up member. I do have crafting confession to make i used ot run a jewellery business years ago so kind of keep my hand in when the fancy takes me.

      auntie gwen - I knew you'd be in this club

    4. Please can I join too? I can't be bothered arguing about stinking bedrooms and arses hanging out of jeans any more. I do look after my 8 year old though and still fold his clothes neatly. Teenagers just end up on the floor or back in the washing basket unworn so I just open the door and chuck them in quickly.
      I wish I'd been told that I wasn't going to take to motherhood and would have happily stuck to keeping dogs and rats.
      Proper mothers make me want to vomit and I'm sure they just lie about it anyway.

    5. IO - Of course you can join. Come on in do you want ice with that G&T? Arses hanging out of jeans - don't get me started. Maybe we should have another society "Proper mothers make me puke"?

    6. Ladies I wonder whether you'd be able to help me. I'm working on a new series that is looking to help parents like you - it's a pro-knowledge programme about drugs, sex, alcohol - all the stuff it's hard to talk to your teens about. Please email me if you know anyone who fancies being involved or if you yourselves would be interested. Cheers!

    7. Thanks for your comment Sue I will spread the word around for you