Friday, 26 November 2010

Gilf, Pot and John Lewis

In the cosmic karma of balancing scales mine are definitely weighted against me the moment. This is not fair. This is not fair for a number reasons not least that people who know me unanimously agree that my time for "shit happens" has happened. My shit was so big that it would have blocked the U bend of cosmic karma. There was really no worse a time and things could and should only get better.Its time to move on and up. In the grand scheme of things a couple of of recent events are just testing or inconvenient such as car breaking down and having no transport for a week coupled with a melt down of home pc. However there is one issue that I can't talk about regarding my lovely boy and then there is my friggin leg.

I am sat in my kitchen as I write when really I should be at work. I have a smelly pair of mismatching pjs on and my John Lewis thick dressing gown which was once lovely and is now covered in hair dye disasters. There is a cup of strong fresh coffee, the radio is on and the dog sat on her bed giving me the evil eye as she is afraid of the kitchen ( weird ) but hey it is the warmest room in the house. It's minus 4 out there don't you know. On my leg I have one slipper. These slippers were a a very thoughtful gift from She-ra last Christmas. She did her research and knew I needed something warm and that I could nip outside in. Eh voila the granny slipper. I was hoping for a black peep toe mule with feathers and a heel. Hot date took one look at them and murmured granny or it might have been gilf. On the other foot I have a pot. I have never had a pot before. I have never broken anything and nor have I now. It's just tendonitis. Just makes it sound like it does hurt, believe me it does hurt, in fact is glowing red and throbbing so much I believe I have been added to the hazardous lights list for incoming flights. I have this delightful accompaniment for the next 2 weeks. I can't drive, really should be resting it and n0t doing much walking at all. Sorry dog you can get fat with me. I can't run for at least 6 weeks so that's Santa Dash out of the window. ( Yes I dress up as Santa and run around a park for 5k in the name of charidee) See I do nice things for other people so that's another reason why shit shouldn't happen to nice people.

My greatest challenge is yet to come. Before my Hot Date tonight I somehow how to work out how to have a bath without getting my leg wet. I own big bath and slip down in it. If you hear a gurgling its me drowning. There is urgent hair removal and general tidy up required. This Friday is an important one it has been in the diary for a while. This is the day that Hot Date meets the sister and bro-in-law. This is big. Bigger than meet the parents. (To be fair he has met Bro-in-law briefly and Step dad.) This was going to be a boozy night of pub after pub in the name of getting to know you. Instead I think I might just manage one bar as long as I can have a seat and absolutely no one comes within a 10m radius of my leg. Actually this is not the biggest challenge, the biggest challenge is in fact how do you get your leg over when you cant even lift it off the floor. I'll pass on any useful tips later.


  1. My shit was so big that it would have blocked the U bend of cosmic karma. - Love it!

    Really looking forward to tonight xx

  2. hope all goes Ok and you have a good night. Just remember - things can only get better


  3. Oh my lovee, I will send you some diagrams with notes in the margins. I had a similar running injury but it's still possible :)xxxx

  4. I don't think you are milking this for anything like what it's worth - you should be urgently getting nice dressing gown off next day delivery shopping - languishing on top of bed,bottle of wine, snacks, music, magazines - get kids to walk dog, visitors should all be entertaining themselves downstairs and hot date can nip up and see you once the introductions are out the way - why do you make it so hard for yourself woman????!!

  5. Do I detect the smell of burning martyr?lol
    I`m with everything Betty said - get yourself better soon.

  6. Oh you'll work it out...where the will is strong there is a way!

  7. Laura - good that one innit

    AuntieG - that's a brilliant. idea you can write a kama sutra for pot laden victims.
    Betty - to be honest I have indulged a wee bit, even washed my dressing gown
    Nana go go - no martyrs here, def not
    libby - I can b v determined.

    Sue-things do
    only get better. alw
    ays looking forward
    my next blog will be a joint effort with Auntie gwen sex tips for the pot bound. Any takers?

  8. I was wondering what a Gilf was. Now I know. Thank you.

    Hope your night out was better than expected. I struggled with a broken little toe that didn't even warrant a sticking plaster never mind a pot.