Monday, 29 November 2010

What is community?

The Cooperative Membership Fund

The Cooperative Membership Fund

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Community spirit - do you have it? The Cooperative  Community Fund certainly does - in spades. When I got the email to ask me to write about this I didn't really have to think twice. I already bank with The Cooperative - a bank with a conscience, and we shop there regularly. It really is a society that gives something back big style to your local community. However I hadn't quite appreciated just how much they give back to society and the diverse range of projects they support. And all of this is funded through those members who chose to tick the box that says pays my dividend into community projects rather than pocket the money themselves. Bravo I say. After all would you really miss the dividend anyway?

So what qualifies as a community project? Does this mean that you have to have charitable status? Apparently not. However it must carry out  positive work on a long term basis, it should address a community issue, be of a long term benefit and address the Coopeartive Community Fund principles  and values  as well as being innovative in its approach.

Having had  gander at the other offerings in my areas I'm wondering whether to propose my sons's local rugby club. It is one of the few clubs that operate a scheme to reach out into the community and get children from less well off areas to get involved, It is the most ethnically diverse club in the area and has representation at every age group. However it is in competition with other more successful clubs in the area who have swanky club houses and excellent facilities whereas our club is sadly lacking here. I think I will have to pass this on to our chairman and see if he can make a successful application.

See  a pic of Ann Hayes and her project


I've been toying with the idea of becoming a member and I think this might have just swung it for me with my share of the pie going to other worthwhile causes.  Clearly if they have an action group that supports scrummy mummies * cough, who are laid up with a pot leg and cant drive all the better. So what are you waiting for? It's a good time of year to be thinking about community and what we can all do to help.

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Friday, 26 November 2010

Gilf, Pot and John Lewis

In the cosmic karma of balancing scales mine are definitely weighted against me the moment. This is not fair. This is not fair for a number reasons not least that people who know me unanimously agree that my time for "shit happens" has happened. My shit was so big that it would have blocked the U bend of cosmic karma. There was really no worse a time and things could and should only get better.Its time to move on and up. In the grand scheme of things a couple of of recent events are just testing or inconvenient such as car breaking down and having no transport for a week coupled with a melt down of home pc. However there is one issue that I can't talk about regarding my lovely boy and then there is my friggin leg.

I am sat in my kitchen as I write when really I should be at work. I have a smelly pair of mismatching pjs on and my John Lewis thick dressing gown which was once lovely and is now covered in hair dye disasters. There is a cup of strong fresh coffee, the radio is on and the dog sat on her bed giving me the evil eye as she is afraid of the kitchen ( weird ) but hey it is the warmest room in the house. It's minus 4 out there don't you know. On my leg I have one slipper. These slippers were a a very thoughtful gift from She-ra last Christmas. She did her research and knew I needed something warm and that I could nip outside in. Eh voila the granny slipper. I was hoping for a black peep toe mule with feathers and a heel. Hot date took one look at them and murmured granny or it might have been gilf. On the other foot I have a pot. I have never had a pot before. I have never broken anything and nor have I now. It's just tendonitis. Just makes it sound like it does hurt, believe me it does hurt, in fact is glowing red and throbbing so much I believe I have been added to the hazardous lights list for incoming flights. I have this delightful accompaniment for the next 2 weeks. I can't drive, really should be resting it and n0t doing much walking at all. Sorry dog you can get fat with me. I can't run for at least 6 weeks so that's Santa Dash out of the window. ( Yes I dress up as Santa and run around a park for 5k in the name of charidee) See I do nice things for other people so that's another reason why shit shouldn't happen to nice people.

My greatest challenge is yet to come. Before my Hot Date tonight I somehow how to work out how to have a bath without getting my leg wet. I own big bath and slip down in it. If you hear a gurgling its me drowning. There is urgent hair removal and general tidy up required. This Friday is an important one it has been in the diary for a while. This is the day that Hot Date meets the sister and bro-in-law. This is big. Bigger than meet the parents. (To be fair he has met Bro-in-law briefly and Step dad.) This was going to be a boozy night of pub after pub in the name of getting to know you. Instead I think I might just manage one bar as long as I can have a seat and absolutely no one comes within a 10m radius of my leg. Actually this is not the biggest challenge, the biggest challenge is in fact how do you get your leg over when you cant even lift it off the floor. I'll pass on any useful tips later.

Monday, 22 November 2010

My life is a roller coaster. I know that but right now it is a bit too much of a one and not much fun at all, save for Hot Date ( and slightly worried the scary shenanigans of my crazy family will scare him off .) So apologies if it's all a bit quiet here at the moment but I need to get my head together and get a grip.

Hopefully everything will be back to normal service soon

Thursday, 11 November 2010

So I took my knickers off

Today was ONE OF THOSE DAYS!. I knew it was going to be ONE OF THOSE DAYS because I woke up inexplicably early due to the lashing of the rain and the howling wind against my window. Waking up early in itself was bad enough as I have been out on two consecutive school nights each one making bed time much later than the first. Total sleep over last three days 18 hours against my normal ration of 24hours.

The weather was so horrendous I welched on taking the poor wee dog out. She felt hard done by. I had buyers up from the Londinium and we were going to be dashing from building to building dodging rain and flying rubbish whilst I tried to make small talk with people I had prejudged as being nothing more than tedious even though I had yet to meet them. Plus I had been invited to lunch to make the experience even more prolonged.

On the way to work the bastard of a car made horrendous noises that resulted in The AA man scratching his head and towing it off to my garage whilst I was left to get to work on the BUS! I had to sit next two very smelly people who needed to be introduced to Mr Soap and Mrs Deodorant. My feckin umbrella decided to play inside-outside-guess- which-way-I-am-gonna- blow as I walked against the wind to get to work. ( OK I know I am coming across as Mrs Princess Pants but like I said it was ONE OF THOSE DAYS. Besisdes if the great unwashed had not chosen to sit next to me it would have been a perfectly fine bus ride. )

I have now had to get one of my colleagues to meet the buyers whilst I tired to tame the hair and get warm. It was whilst in the toilet cubicle that I realised I had my knickers on inside out. This was clearly a sign. A sign that my day was indeed inside out and that if I continued to wear said under garments then the rest of my day would indeed be PANTS!

So I did what any sane slightly superstitious person would do and took them off and righted the wrongly put on under garments. It was a that point that I looked down at my semi naked body, bush, pop socks and saucy red shoes and thought what the feck I am doing? However needless to say the buyers were absolutely lovely, lunch at Harvey Nicks was divine and having no car meant I was free to join them in afternoon of Chablis and fine banter.

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with my car. I have just opened a parking fine notice for a parking fine that I never received. So what other bloody clothing item do I have on the wrong way round?

Monday, 8 November 2010

Cliff Richard, bad sex and ebay

I would rather stick pins in my eye than do any of the following:
  • Put things on to ebay. I hate it with a passion. It is penury. All that finding the stuff, weighing up if you need it or not, photographing, writing the description etc etc. Then there is the actual selling itself. The inane questions. The winner bidder who never actually pays you. Then slags you off for selling your product to someone else. *cough tosser
  • Mop up sick. I don't do bodily fluids very well. Having written this sentance I can already predict that within the next few days either the dog( particularly grusome ) or one of the kids will be sick.
  • Go to Primark. I just can't see the bargains, I can't feel the quality and I actually have Primarkology, a phobia of going in. I have only managed to go in a couple of times which was very early in the morning and was something akin to a trolley dash as my sister and Iran through grabbing stuff for Christmas presents for our teenage concerns. I absolutely hate it with a passion. In fact any where that doesn't have a rack of clothes specifically for me in my size only, my favoruite colour and suits me to a tee I don't really like.
  • Managing your finances. I collect the recipts and once a month I will reconcile everything then shred it. That's the theory anyway. It depresses that there is not more dosh to go around and I find the whole thing tedious. No matter how careful I budget there is never enough money left over to buy me that holiday, piece of jewellry, the saucy underwear or the Kurt Geiger boots I long for. I need to find either a big wodge of money stuffed that slipped down the sofa, win the lottery and fast or a rich man.
  • Speaking with school. After years of He-man being the trail blazer at school I dread the phone call. It brings me out in hives. I must remember it is not I who has committed the crime and equally not all news is bad news Note to self do not look so shocked when he gets paid a compliment, in which case it is very much down to me
  • Package holidays. I am not one of the pack, I sit outside of the herd and I don't like people telling me what to do especially on holiday. I have haven't been one since I departed from Glasgow airport some 20+ years ago with a a plane load of drunkards who then set fire to the coach transporting us to our Turkish resort at 3am.
  • Rudeness. Closely followed by pettiness. It doesn't pay to be either of those things and you get so much more back when you are nice. Smiling is much more fun and laughing burns up more calories than frowning. Go on crack a smile now.
  • Housework - it does seem to be woman's work but I'm trying to set a good example by getting He-man to do his fair share. He has already learnt to hate ironing, they both fight over the hoovering if it is offered as a choice against any other duty and they both think emptying the dishwasher is a major chore. I just wish they knew how to fill the damn thing and that things do not mysteriously jump in there. And if they did the Pucking potato ricer would fit in just fine. I yearn for the days when I used to have a cleaner.
  • Cliff Richard - dont ask, he brings me out in hives and I will leap across a room to turn off a tv or radio with him on it.
  • Be left wondering. I like to know where I stand. I think Hot date understands this. Ole Twinkly eyes didn't. That goes for work too - please don't play games. I hate office politics just tell me how it is and we'll go from there.
  • calendars - I would rather choose my own, my kids don't like them and certainly don't want 2 or 3 if not more. Please leave these off the Christmas list
  • Bad sex - rather go with out. Fortunately I don't appear to be having that problem at the moment.
  • I could also live with out beetroot, fish, pastis, Eastenders, Kate Humble, a few people at work..
So if you spot a puke covered Cliff Richard calendar on ebay then I have probably put it on there.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Spare Ribs

Picture the scene: I am 2 hours away from home driving in rush hour traffic with other people in the car. It is nose to tail traffic, in a city I don't know. it's dark. The mobile goes several times and ignore it. I'm driving after all. however this caller was persistent.

She-ra - sounding worried: I've had to go for a walk to calm down
Me, not really listening - what's happened?
She-ra: well he wouldn't turn his music down...And I asked him, so then I....(voice trailing off )
Me, listening a bit more - what's happened? Are you still out?
She-ra; well I did ask him and I didn't mean too but I just lost it.
Me, thinking oh shit.:What's happened?
She-ra :I threw a pan at him but I think I missed.

At this point I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If she had lost her temper you could be rest assured that the he had been giving some lip and being obnoxious as only an older brother can be til she flipped. However I was now worried about what if he flipped back? There would be blood spilled if that was the case. So I thought I'd go for another tack and try He-man's phone. No reply. Getting worried now and thanking god I am stationary traffic. My passengers were bemused. I try him again.

He-man - Yes I am here - his voice sounded clipped as if was auditioning for a part as a German officer in 'Allo 'Allo. I am fine She-ra is here and is ok, aren't you. You are OK aren't you? I can hear mumbling from She-ra. She comes onto the phone and in an equally stilted voice says, I am fine but your pan is broken.

I now worry for 2 hours.

I finally arrive Chez Adams Family. She has been crying. He is in the shower. I survey the scene nothing broken apart from the very good quality saucepan which is unrepairable.
C'mon, I cry, you should be at rugby I could get you there if you rush. ( He-man doesn't do fast ever )
He comes downstairs in nothing but a towel where he points to the large bruise on his ribs. I'm fine just a but sore, he said all very grown up. In fact he really surprised me at how adult he was being about the whole thing, giving her hug at her distress of actually hitting him, not going to rugby where he could have done further damage. a trip to the doc next day confirmed our suspicions and she thanked him for brightening up her afternoon with such a daft tale.

How she managed to hit him I never know but in future I shall be putting all possible missiles in a locked cupboard when ever I am out of the house.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Win a year's salary with PayPal

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OMG can it be this simple? Seriously you just want me to buy something using the services of Paypal as many times as I want on a weekly basis and then I get entered into a draw to win a year's salary of £40k? Clearly this salary depends on the job you hold as for some this could be 2 or three years salary. For myself it's representative of a mere tea break - *cough

I have been cogitating on this all day about what I would do with £40 grand should I be the lucky winner. As I pounded the streets on my run my mind ran to paying off some of my mortgage, say £20K, a new or newish car is definitely on the cards after the year I've had with my old banger. Hmm can't decide between a Seat or some Big Mother of a 4x4 ( that I don't need )? A holiday to Australia for me and mine and maybe some long weekend in a big rented country house for the rest of my family. My ever faithful team definitely need a meal out and oops I have spent it all. Back to reality and I could see my winnings being quickly spent on the such like.

The teenagers would absolutely and categorically want a laptop each given that ours is about dead. Damn it I'll have one too.

I could worry less about the cost of Christmas with such a windfalland I'm sure I could get more than the one batman suit I have been instructed to get for the 4 year old given I know he is going to live in it for the rest of the year. *Pooee what's that smell?

He-man could go on a shopping spree given that all his trackie bots/lounge pants got stolen at this year's festivals and he currently is sporting a pair that are so baggy the local clown acts are eyeing him up as the next big thing. Plus they have probably read his entry in the school year book as the one most likely to succeed as... yes you've guessed it, a clown.

Some bangin' tunes man - my gift to bro in law for all his lovely hospitality and being a cool Uncle.

And even though I said I would never ever go camping again I am already eyeing up tents so I guess we could have a splurge there too.

Having moaned in my latest blog about not having the impetus to put my recently photographed on ebay I suddenly find myself motivated to get cracking and having a bit of a doodle at what else I could find to purchase on there. Maybe a trip to Superdry ebay outlet is called for some cool stocking fillers for the kids.

Well what are you waiting for? Getting clicking now the more times you buy the greater chance you have of winning  

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Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Time off for good behaviour

On my week off over half term I thought I would chillax as She-ra would say. But as I started to tot up what I had been upto I realised that I needed another week off to recover ( I wish.)

I ran 35km, not all at the same time I might add.

I sanded my wooden work surfaces over three days. I oiled then them 3 -4 times each. I cursed starting said job.

I met with Sci fi Mum of 3, East End mum, Cornish camping buddy for a glass of wine or two.

I baked 2 dozen buns, our Christmas cake and…on the culinary theme I made some meals for the freezer including Coq au Vin and beef in beer.

I had a number of dirty thoughts about hot date. Had opportunity on more than one occasions to put said dirty thoughts into action.

Met with sister twice. Once to do stuff with the littlies and 1 teen, another for dinner and silly fun including bro in law and Gramps. The list game is fab and I am converted to Cranium, despite hating it previously.

Went shopping 4 times. This was three too many for me. Once was to purchase Heman shoe aka boats and various undergarments. Also to get a sneaky idea what he might like for Christmas whilst also trying out some one to one time with a mumping teenager. Once was on my own post trip to hairdresser which depressed me as I couldn't' afford anything I liked. ( see DIY note later ) And once with She-ra to replace burnt boots – see chillers. And finally once with Lancastrian friend just because we could, although we spent much of the time in a coffee shop, I resisted a very lovely grey jumper from GAP where she succumbed to a lovely pair of boots.

I donated games to charity shops

I photographed stuff to go on ebay. Still yet to actually put this on ebay. It is one of my pet hates. I am hoping the dire need for funds will motivate me some time soon.

Found an upholsterer to stuff the life back into my sofa cushions.

Planted another 3 more pots so my very green garden will have some colour in the Spring. Seriously it is just green, luscious green but just green.

Finally started sanding old chairs in need of upholstery

Visited various diy shops 6 times. Felt I spent too much money one DIY which I calculated back into a nice pair of Kurt Geiger boots that I would rather be sporting.

Ferried kids too many numerous things to mention including cadets, parties, rugby.

Froze on a rugby pitch in the middle of nowhere, whopping He-man on to victory. Well almost they lost in the final 30 seconds.

Went to a comedy club with Hot date.

Finished my book for book club – Short Girls by Bich Minh Nguyen if you are interested.

Washed my way through a washing mountain which then turned in to a Ironing mountain. Which led me to watch 4 episodes back to back of Coach trip just because I could.

Started to think about the Christmas decoration swap organised by Mrs Yappy Dog. Seriously what was I thinking? So far I'm leaning towards the world of felt having inadvertently shrunk a number of jumpers.

Took up three pairs of work trousers. I can't believe how bleedin' short my legs are. I really do need those Kurt Geiger boots. ( wiping away dribble from chin now )

Have become addicted to the mah jong app on my phone so will have to leave you now whilst I crack this damn game...