Thursday, 30 September 2010

how long will it be?

How long will it be before my gorgeous lovely nephew goes from this....
to this....
sister be warned. This was just a mild stunt. My nephew was eyeing this lot up on Saturday It wont be long before the trousers are down his backside and he's rolling with the big fellas.

What to wear


I don't know what to wear. I am attending an awards ceremony with my team on Monday. We're shortlisted. Or short arsed as my sister would put it. I have worn all my own posh frocks bar one so have been on the scrounge and now I just don't know what to wear. I am totally spoilt for choice. So I need your help to decide.
Do we go for Dress A? A maxi number, that with the right bra could work very well. Not sure what to do with my hair or what shoes to wear with it ( heels, given my apparently dwarfish status - I don't think 5'6 is small but it is in my family )
so I give you Dress A....
and here is dress B - a slinky sexy number...Both A & B have the added advantage that I can scoff huge amounts of the Michelin starred food we will be served and I will be still be able to breathe. I don't think I can say the same for Dress C, a red velvet number, proper vintage (madmen era ) and ahem - snug fitting.

She-ra set up the shots. I particularly like the way she has managed to capture the domesticity of the situation with one of those washing machine plastic thingys in the foregraound. I also like the way she got me to act all relaxed like, just like a top model. She even managed to capture I-have-just-got-home-from-work-and-am-absolutely-knackered look perfectly. David Bailey need not worry and as for me taking over from Linda Vaginablister - she can sleep safe in her bed tonight. But in the meantime if you could be so kind as let me know whether I should go for A B or C I would be much obliged. I'll let you know if we win....

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Food - see the pleasure

The Gallery theme of food this week will no doubt bring lots of fab sexy photos of delish looking offerings that you just want to pop straight into your mouth. Mine however are somewhat different.....
offering 1 & 2 - the drunken snack as favoured by bro-in-law. My son just stays up for the spectacle of the blaspheming, swaying, marmite munching drunkard. All I can hear is " Uncle ! your toast has popped up!" Whilst my sister shrieks " do not swear!" at her husband.

Offering 3 - She-ra. you can see the pleasure as she tucks into the biggest piece of Victoria Sponge cake at a National Trust Caff in Cornwall. Simple pleasures. mine took a more liquid form - see empty glass of rose to the right.

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Less Heigh Ho more Doh!

My 16 year old son thinks he is bang on trend. I think he looks like a chav. Maybe if that is the trend he wants to follow then yes, he's bang on trend. If I was to be kinder then I would say that he has followed those height challenged Disney faves the Seven Dwarfs. Like them he loves bright colours, wears his trousers underneath his arse ( Doc I believe ) and sports a hat of a similar fashion. Not only that but he can be any one of them at any time, Doc, Sleepy, Grumpy ( most of the time ), Happy, Dopey ( Doh !), Bashful and Sneezy (it's the cat allergy )

When he was a little boy, actually he was never a little boy he always looked like he was going to be prop forward for England, he always looked reasonably turned out. We sported the usual granny knit jumpers and jeans combo.

The flashing light trainers and cute stuff from GAP or M&S. I am try to pinpoint at what time did this change? When did his trousers work themselves so far down his arse cheeks that you saw more underpant than anything else? When did his shoes become so big that you could smuggle a illegal immigrants in them? When did wearing trackie bots become the norm and no longer the attire he wanted to wear when he went to rugby training? I yearn for the combat shorts and quirky Tee.

The hats have been permanently glued to his head for about 3 years now. He sports a number of different style;. baseball, Davy Crockett, beanie - we have 'em all.

And what is really worrying he seems to be some sort of trend setter at school. Since when did he become that?! My daughter is permanently embarrassed as her friends, male and female, moon over his good looks and attire. "What, she says in disbelief, do they see in that?"

Of course I was NEVER like that. Where the hell will He-man's fashion sense take him, Beach bum look in his 40's?

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Smile and the world smiles with you..

Gallery does it again with a challenge of "a smile " aw so sweet. The kids would have been an easy option so I opted to make it harder for myself. If anyone had a camera aimed at me at the moment I have the permanent grin of a love sick teenager, less smile more mooning. So I fished this one out. Let me know what you think.....
This was my little big sister on the day after her wedding day party stage 2. This is my wonderful brother in law for whom I hold in great esteem. Laura does not dance,ever. But they had hired a salsa band and the music was fab. I can't resist a good merengue or cha cha and we were all up dancing - a first. I can't remember much of the rest of the evening but I just love this picture, it just captures how happy my sister was and still is.

Love to you both

Big little sister.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Celebration - my arse!

This week's gallery challenge theme is celebration. after haranguing Tara to give me an early insider head start, to no avail, I might add, I thought
I really have to give this a go. I think I have only managed a couple of postings to this excellent idea but life seems to have taken me over recently or should that be I have a life at the moment. Anyway supreme effort has been made to do this posting, I have shouldered past the teens to monopolise the pc at 8pm of an evening for this. Thought you should know just how much effort I really have put in. Here goes...

This was my 40th birthday celebration.

For my 40th birthday I wanted a party at home with my nearest and dearest friends. However, Mr X stood firm and would not let me do it in case it ruined his precious frickin wooden floor. "Think of all those stiletto heels." So I opted for a fancy dress in a local club house. Theme;icon. This photo shows myself as Liza Minelli, Grumps as Victor Meldrew ( I know the likeness is uncanny ), my sister as Magnum pi ( she really does love a moustache, can you see it falling from her mush?) and bro-in-law as Adam Ant. Missing from this photo was Mr Ex. In fact he was missing most of the day preferring to spend it with his head down the toilet fixing something that didn't need fixing. I arrived at the event without him, mingled without him, spent most of the night without him and went home without him. I should have seen it coming really. 1 year and 3 weeks later it was all over. I would like to point out that I did have a good time with my fab friends but it wasn't the evening I had really wanted.

1 year later this was celebration I wanted. Daft quizzes a la Never Mind the Buzzcocks, great food supplied by all and the biggest bottle of red wine I have ever seen. All with my fab friends and family. In my home.With plenty of dancing. Lots of stiletto heels. Lots of chair scraping and all over the frickin wooden floor too. I like a good celebration me.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Mad men makes me mad

Mad men. I'm a late comer to this TV show but have been catching up on Series 1 the i-player. Dad loves it,it is his era and remembers it well. Plus he was in advertising so it is even more pertinent. Firstly I love the fashion. I love the pneumatic curves of some of the females stars. I find myself wearing the few shift dresses in my wardrobe and thinking or either making or buying some more.

The smoking! I can't believe how much they all smoke. I am old enough * ahem but only just to remember when people still smoked in offices. Clearly I was a child visiting parents and not actually working in an office myself. But bloody hell they really smoke like bleedin' chimneys.

The drinking! Every deal in the office seems to be conducted over a large glass of Scotch. God if I did that I'd be slurring by lunchtime. How did they do it?

The subservient women. I don't know how they did that either. How did they put up with it. I think about my grandmother and her housewifery, forbidden to ever work again. She spent most of it miserable, chain smoking and plotting ways how to piss off her husband. Thank you forebears for getting us ladies ( supposed ) equal rights.

I'm trying really hard to like Mad Men, after all it has had great reviews and I am doing doubleepisodes per week but it hasn't quite got me. And that Don Draper just pisses me right off. And he has got thin lips.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

just piss on the border

The dog has had fleas. She has had tapeworm. Nice. In fact whilst away the little blighters bred like mad on my sofa. Double nice. I have de-flead the dog twice and the house. The spray nearly killed me. I didn't see anything on the instructions about wearing full body armour and a gas mask.

The fleas are still here. In the garden. It's that bastard fox that keeps coming in a digging up huge holes in the garden. It is mangy of the first order. And what the fuck is it looking for in my little patch of garden. Ironically it keeps digging up the foxglove. So how do I get rid of the fox that is infecting my lovely dog? Someone suggested a gun. One colleague feeds hers. Another has killed 2. (Am not sure about that one, a bit of poetic licence methinks) One colleague suggested the following:

Take one alpha male ( he-man step forward please )
Go forth and mark your territory ( say what ?! )
Go round the border of your garden n get a superior animal ie alpha male, to piss in your garden. The fox senses it and doesn't come back.

I thought he'd be well up for that, being asked to piss outside. He, however, he is outraged. The dog is auditioning for Itchy n Scratchy n I have unattractive flea bites on my ankles.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

No Time To Spare

Thank you to those who drop by my blog. Hopefully you have a read a bit of a chortle and maybe leave me a message or two. All is very welcome.
Inspired by English mum and her lists as I'm not being a brilliant blogger at the moment as I am doing the following:

Worrying - About He-man. He has got into 6th form by the skin of his teeth. He seems to have got his finger firmly pressed on the self destruct button and doesn't know how to stand back form it even though he wants to. He's been given til Christmas by school to get his act together. Clearly they see something in him that he can't. When I finally got to see him this week rather than have a nuclear fall out I reminded him that I am the best friend he will ever have and that includes helping to get through the tough times. I just hope he realises it before it is too late

Rolling eyes - She-ra is a proper stroppy 14y old. Hormones all over the place, Harumping and flouncing one minute all over you the next loving you soooooo much. Oh it's going to be a fun year.

Laughing - I have brilliant mates. We had a get together last weekend now the summer hols are over and it was fab too see them all. I, uncharacteristically, drank water as had HOT DATE. to go to and had to leave them to it. they kept going for some time and some even fell into bed fully clothed -well I never!

Dating - Yep am a luvved up lady at the moment. Pinching myself at my luck and hoping it doesn't run out. Keep reminding myself to take things slowly ( have ignored that,) and enjoy it ( am doing that )

Biting my tongue - Yep Dad is in town and doing his visit in reverse it would seem. Normally he builds up to hacking everyone off after having them all laughing in the aisles before hand. This time he is doing it the other way round. A constant butt of all the family jokes he takes it all in good stride and seems delighted that he has hardly seen any of his family as we are out doing stuff. 2 years on post divorce and it looks we are finally rebuilding are lives and getting our confidence back.

Working - ew. Really need to win that lottery. Am ready for a change to being a lady of leisure.

so tell me what have you been up to lately?