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Sunday, 29 August 2010

..so then I stabbed it!

I have just returned from 5 days in Cornwall. Camping. We borrowed just about everything to enable to go on this journey of discovery. I will now share with you our discoveries: ( some of which can be applied to any holiday type)

  • That camping is not cheap, in fact it is bloody expensive buying all that clobber. Hence the borrower I be.
  • We stayed at a lovely site, close to the beach. Great for little kids however it did seem to have more than its fair share of teenage intolerant campers. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. May your children grow up in to tattooed slappers.
  • That I should have put more effort into finding roof bars. I think I could have won a Guinness World Record with the amount of stuff rammed into the car.
  • Should have allowed longer for packing and been more ruthless with "stuff."
  • Forgetting to pack your teenage son's electric shaver was a major incident and do instructions for shaving your legs apply to your face. The cuts on his wee bonce would say otherwise.
  • Peoples' definition of luxury differs. The campsite claimed they had luxury toilet/shower block. Hoorah I thought. I think the luxury was the fact that they existed and hey you have a door too. Ahem.
  • On the toilet front - when camping if you need a poo don't leave until the last minute. The dash across a field in the hope that there is a spare cubicle free is not dignified.
  • and on the poo note. Who the F*ck smeared shit all over the cubicle door. This is a luxury establishment don't you know?
  • Don't stand up if there is a lantern above your head. Still have the bump. In fact best tip is to spend much of your time in the tent hunched over. This is saying something as the family token dwarf.
  • Never has charging your phone in a warm launderette seemed so appealing.
  • You still get chavs on campsites.
  • You develop "mummy"skin - apparently -so I am told harrumph.
  • You wear the same things every day - see earlier note on packing. She-ra had taken 2 -3 outfits per day. He man stayed in more or less same tracky bots all week and I flaunted my new Benetton denim skirt until the weather forced me back into jeans.

  • At no time did any of us need the coats my sister insisted we take for the midnight pee run. Bladders are all intact on this side of the family thank you very much.
  • Surfers look cool to my kids, spesh the tats n piercings n baggy shorts. Lord give me strength. I am particularly fascinated in their vacant expressions dude.
  • The weather forecast is your bible. The weather forecast lies in Cornwall.
  • There is a skill to getting an earwig of one sleeping pod. IE don't unzip as it vanishes with the shake of Harry Potter's wand and you wake up with it crawling out of your hoodie sleeve.
  • Yes that's right hoodie. for my summer holiday night attire I wore bed socks, pj's, 3 tees, a very thick hoodie (with hood up) under thick sleeping bag and car rug. I remember when all I used to wear on a summer night was sweat.
  • Question how do you have rumpy pumpy in a tent with all that clobber and the whole campsite listening?
  • If you have a nightmare and do that scary nightmare screaming the whole campsite will hear and look at you very strangely the next night.
  • You get a smug feeling when you hear a perfect family having a bolshy kid moment.
  • You develop tent envy.
  • You worry about daughter's morals as she spends much of the week plotting to steal a wooden pole to replace the missing one on the windbreak.
  • The windbreak in an ESSENTIAL camping item.
  • The family gas BBQ isn't an essential camping item.
  • At pot wash someone has camping envy of your posh BBQ. Maybe it is an essential item after all?
  • You sleep well- tis all that fresh air. Or maybe it was the Drowsy formula Benylin and brandy chasers you've taken to swigging as a nightcap. ( note to self maybe I could market it to replace RBV's)
  • Body boarding is fun and getting in and out of a wetsuit can take up much of the day.


  • On one of the few good weather days we spent a lovely evening on the beach, with friends, having BBQ, laughing and watching the sun go down. Larverley.

  • The stabbing incident. The f*ckin' airbed wouldn't go down when we were packing to go home. ( in the rain I might add). Daughter's deflated every night, mine deflated beautifully. He-mans' wouldn't budge. After sometime wrestling with the cap I did what any sane person would do. I stabbed it, several times.
  • Packing a tent away in the rain is akin to wrestling with a giant slug. Oh how we larfed.
  • Booking a hotel ( thank you Aztec Hotel Shire hotels) for the return with swimming pool, sauna, jacuzzi etc was my best decision ever.
  • Driving nearly 1000 miles meant lots of time in the car with my kids. However it was quality time. They spent most of it asleep or I learnt stuff from them. We talked! That was worth the journey alone.
  • That as predicted by the end of the holiday I have declared that we are NEVER holidaying in the UK ever again and am looking at hot and sunny with in 24hours of return.
  • any suggestions on a budget of the loose change found down the back of the sofa and a couple of sweetie wrappers? Camping you say.......

5 comments:

  1. Funny post! I'm with you every step of the way. And our camping holiday was in a static caravan...I still moaned and got the holiday brochures out when we returned. Whose up for a lovely hotel next time??

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  2. That was brave, you emerged with your sense of humour intact. Yes, I learned to p*ss standing up from a camping experience, sitting down was not an option. Tents must have improved since my day when touching the tent meant the fabric would become wet on the inside - lying against it was a soggy way to wake up.

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  3. I went camping once, for a weekend in the Lake District. In 2003, I believe.

    auntie is not a natural camper but I'll come with you next year, your hol sounds fun :)

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  4. it ain't pretty, or glam! but I think I've got is sussed.

    1. Go to France - go as far south as you can afford, if the butter stops melting, then pack up and drive south.

    2. get a stonking big French tent, we got our cabanon Canvas frame tent from ebay - the lady threw in all the kit.

    3. get very pissed when camping - wine is still very cheap and a bottle a night is not binge drinking when you are on holiday - honest!

    4. i've never had a proper hot holiday, so any day without rain or mossies is good

    i did laugh though! camping is not for everyone!

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  5. Trish - Am with you on that one. Which hotel?
    Mrs Yappy Dog - I didn't see it as being brave just taking it in our stride. A wet wake up call is not pleasant
    Auntie Gwen - you need to give me tips on where I can go.we did lots of laughing at our predicaments which is always good
    Frugal life -Yep I am not a natural camper I put my hand up there. either Italy or France I think for next year or even Croatia?

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