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Wednesday, 28 July 2010

My dad has Tourettes

OK so my dad doesn't have Tourettes like you or I would know it. He does suffer from TVtourettes. That is he can be found shouting at the TV at all manor of programmes; listing such things as the presenters political persuasion, how does he know?, the last time that topic was aired, who was the original idea behind the thought and so on. He's very Clever. His wife is even more Clever and it makes for great arguments. He also suffers from Car tourettes. To be honest I do suffer from this slightly too. So there you are having a conversation when suddenly an AC Cobra will roar past, a MGA, or a rare breed of Lancia etc. Whatever he was talking about he will stop, suddenly, mid sentence, utter the make and model of said vehicle before resuming the conversation as if nothing has ever happened. I grew up with this, my ex also did it, to me it is normal. Until a VGF pointed it out. It's not normal.

He is extremly accident prone, fallin over own feet, small stones, dogs. Spraying food down his designer shirts, puncturing bodily parts and spraying blood everywhere. It is an endless list of disasters. He is good for an argument my dad. He is also good for saying or doing totally outrageous things. He has to write under various pseudonyms in order to get his letters published in the papers, which he does frequently. He loves it. He'd be a great blogger, venting his spleen but he keeps warning me of the evil of the wonderful web. "The CIA could be watching everything you blog about daughter, he warned recently. I assured him that the last thing the CIA want to read about is my love life, porridge stuck in my pubes and teenagers. I still giggle at the thought of the local council opening his entry to their photography competition themed around the local high street. He took stacks of photos of dog turds made that his entry. i still try to picture the poor person in the council office opening that particular entry. His most recent outburst; I don't know if I dare share this with you. I am still shocked....

" they ( the local council who are usually on the receiving end) have been digging up the pavements and kerbs. Why? Because we have 3 people in wheelchairs where I live"

And dad what pray is wrong with that?

"it's costing nearly a HUNDRED thousand pounds to re do these kerb stones. Those folk have managed fine before now, no one has asked them if they want these alterations or if they would like the money spent on improving their lives in some other way. NO! They've just done it. "He's in full flow now " that's one hundred thousand pounds of tax payers money!"

Yes dad, I sigh resignedly into the phone, thinking he sounds like he is winding down now maybe we can get onto a safer subject ( there aren't many )

"it would have been more cost effective to use £30K and pay a hit man to get rid of them"
"DAD!!!!"

6 comments:

  1. Hilarious! A Hit Man....ha ha ha ha ha - I`ll be laughing about that all day tomorrow!

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  2. I know it's wrong but I laughed too at the hitman thing. xx

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  3. Oops - I feel I should clarify - I`m not in any way related to Tony Soprano and therefore wouldn`t advocate this course of action in ordinary circumstances! The comment was humourous because it came from a Dad - my Mother makes the same types of comments on a regular basis - sometimes in public!

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  4. Nana go-go - understood, don't think anyone will be sleping with the fishes or wearing concrete slippers

    Auntie Gwen - so wrong but yet so funny. Gppd to hear from you

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  5. OMG! I have exactly the same Dad! He's actually a politician (the perfect job for someone who loves to yell carefully constructed insults at people) and is often heard on his phone (with my kids in the car) having conversations that go 'what a pompous, irritating arse you are'. We should get them to meet up! x

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  6. English mum - My dad is retired and has been dabbling in politics but decided that no party fits his rules. *sshh* whispher8 have to be careful what I put the CIA or dad might be watching

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