Monday, 26 July 2010

eau d'poo

Oh how I laughed at my sister's recent blog. It then gave me a flashback and so being the cruel evil sister that I am I felt compelled to share it...

We were living in a lovely tall Victorian terrace in the days of 1 toilet only per household. I had a home based business that I ran with my Scottish BFF. She had recently entered into a very passionate affair that was about to consummated. You could feel the sexual tension in the air. Said man was hot footing it up the M1 probably driving his Golf with his own joy stick. My sister, aged about 13/14 at the time ( although I am sure she was much younger, maybe it's how they make them these days?), was staying with me. It must have been school holidays or something. She was doing what teenagers do and we weren't paying her much attention as we were far more excited at the prospect of Scottish BFF next 48 hours of rampant sex.

Shortly before Said Man arrived my sister, she of big bowels, went for a dump. I should at this point point out the irony of Said man and his line of work. He ran a swanky pot pourri company and was blessed with a very sensitive sense of smell. We were busy working upstairs in the attic room when a smell wafted up the stair well. First the dog got the blame. Then Scottish BFF went on the hunt for the smell. Jesus there was something akin to the size of a zepplin loitering in the bathroom. Sister had disappeared oblivious to the nuclear reaction she had left behind. Nuclear reaction being Scottish BFF who was busy trying to hide the smell with various air fresheners and perfumes when the door bell rang.....Mr lover lover. Needless to say the Eau D'Poo didn't catch on when creating a love nest ambiance.

Since then we have grown as a family to hoot about various poo moments as there have been so many..

..when Grumps caught short in the woods in local park had to have a crap in the woods with is dog looking on mortified, confused by the change in status and frantically looking for a poo bag amongst its person ( thank god no one spotted him )

..when She-ra, newly potty trained, ate a Linda McCartney's sausage that went straight through and had to have a crap in the grounds of a Stately Home. As I was struggling to decide what to do next with the orange poo the dog thought yum Linda's sausages are great and ate it all up

..when He-man went for a Richard he used to be gone for hours, stripping down naked, now he is just gone for hours - it is cause for much amusement amongst the family

..when I, yes even I have my own poo tale, got caught short whilst swimming in the Ionian sea many moons ago and had to swim very fast away from the floater that appeared to do front crawl faster than I.

Any more good poo stories out there......?

Coming soon Puke tales - we've got some beauties


  1. That was hysterical but not so sure I want to visit Iona ever again!lol.

  2. Oh my god, you kept the floater quiet sister.

    I was 11 actually and I still remember the shame of the smelly waft as said Mr LoverLover arrived.

  3. Poo story? well, giving birth to a 10 and a half pound baby...having lots of stitches, having the runs, standing in the loo crying and having your mum come in and gently wipe your backside for you as if you were a baby.....

  4. nana gogo - thanks but it was Corfu so your visits to Iona are safe
    Laura - 11? really are you sure? Can still remember/smell it 20 years later
    Libby - aw that's what mums are for - although really I would rather not

  5. Laughing so much I'm nearly crying. Keeping my poo stories to myself though - the CIA might be reading.