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Saturday, 19 June 2010

You'll find me in the broken biscuits aisle

Regular readers will note that I had been champing on about my desperate need to get dating and was looking at various Internet dating sites to join. And join I did. Out of the blogs that I follow regularly there seems to have been a theme emerging over the past week or so of blogging in the list stylee - see my sister's blog or a more sombre feel such as Notes from lapland or Fab Feisty and Fifty. I have felt myself flitting between the two as I got more depressed about the whole men, dating, Internet, relationships thing so as I wrote my shopping list this morning for my groceries in the back of my head I could hear a little voice saying...

Welcome to supermarket sweep where you can flog yourself to other people who may or may not want to date you. If you want to handle the goods you have to let them know but don't be surprised if they can't be bothered to get back to you. Manners aren't considered de rigeur these days.

Aisle 1 - Deluded goods - oh please why does man in his 50's have his age criteria for the ideal female right down to the mid 20's. They are batting way out of their league. I have been that person ( the younger one see Aisle 7 for female version) and whilst age differences don't matter as much in your 20's and 30's once your partner hits late forties early 50's bits start dropping off and their best friend telephone number is the GP and the dentist. Needless to say that when they state Ian, 49 he is no doubt actually Frank, 55.
Aisle 2 - Permanent Bachelor goods - I find it a little strange that a man can get to mid 40's and has not had a single long term relationship. Surely they have manged to clock a couple of years somewhere along the way?
Aisle 3 - Smoking goods - as an ex smoker of many years past I physically retch when I sit near someone who smokes. The idea of putting my tongue in there...ew?
Aisle 4 - Slaphead goods - There are lot of these in my age bracket. My ex husband was one which makes it even harder when looking at another shiny bald pate bouncing the light off you as they all start to look the same.
Aisle 5 -The weirdos - yes there are plenty and some of the photos they post are down right suspect. I tend to avoid the ones who look naked in a head and shoulders shot because you what? they usually are.
Aisle 6 - Grey Head aisle - I tend to find I am lingering a little longer in this aisle, particularly if they are of the George Clooney colouring. Sadly there are not that many of them.
Aisle 7 - Cougar country - I was startled, slightly flattered but mainly outraged by the fact that guys as young as 23 were wanting to meet up. At that age they should be pulling them of the walls not having to trawl through dating sites. What's wrong with them? Or maybe that's it,; there is something wrong with them.
Aisle 7 - Broken Biscuits aisle . This is where you will find me along with the others who are damaged goods, second or third hands at this game or with baggage in the shape of children of any age. And it was with this realisation that that is what I am, an ageing second hand rose with a lot of baggage that maybe I am not ready for dating just yet ( despite my interlude with Ole Twinkly eyes who is now beginning to look an attractive option if this is the pool I have to fish from) and that maybe internet dating really isn't the place for someone like me who is old school when it comes to dating and the rules of attraction. So I shall be dashing my trolley through the aisles and heading for the hills to lick my wounds. I would like to meet someone else but not when they are probably flicking between http://www.match.com/ , thai brides, and doing their weekly shop.

5 comments:

  1. I swear if one more friend meets a great guy through internet dating I will scream. No matter which site I have a peek at they are full of the types you describe and yet I have NUMEROUS in feckin capitals for emphasis friends who have met amazing men, blaarrggghh

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  2. Your perceptions of the dating game made me laugh,especially in Aisle 1 which you`re absolutely right about - these men are delusional - most of them belong in Thailand! I went through exactly the same some years back and no doubt there will be a few other ladies out there in cyberspace who would agree with you about everything on your Shopping List. However, although I can`t give you any pointers, I would say please don`t use your `fallback option` in the shape of the serial monogamist,committment-phobe `Ole Twinkly Eyes` (which seems too nice a name for such a person!).You`re MUCH better than that! You do NOT belong in the Broken Biscuit Aisle, you are NOT an ageing second-hand rose, your children are NOT baggage, you come as a whole package so whoever you meet, if he`s `The One`, will gladly accept that. You ARE a smart,funny,clever,independent woman - I hope it`s not too long before Mr. Right comes along and snaps you up.

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  3. LOL one day I will write up my experiences on FindSomeone an NZ dating site. What a funny time that was. Though I did go out with some normal guys there were a few wackos. I think it's not a bad way to meet likeminded women at a time when you tend to lose all your old married friends. I still have wonderful (male and female) friends from those internet dating days. Do you think maybe you're ready for a bit of fun in dating but not re-matching if you know what I mean. Just to reconfirm that you're still sexy and attractive. I wrote about one of my experiences on the blog - An Attractive Older Woman oh and it's follow-up Contact. Hope they make you laugh If I can do it, stretchmarks and all, so can you! x

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  4. Auntie Gwen - I am so with you on that one. Maybe we are just too picky and should just( dare I say it ) settle?

    Nana go go - thanks for the kind words. I should have added another Aisle for those men who also suffer from small men syndrome. If you filter out anyone under 5'8" you are just left with gigantic freaks. Don't they make them in 6' any more.

    Vegemitevix - I will drop by and read up on your site.

    Funny since I wrote this I feel a lot better about not doing the whole internet dating thing . I could keep adding to those Aisles though. Short arse or small man syndrome, Beer belly, boring, The Peter Stringfellow Aisle. Hours of depressing fun.

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