Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Vital Statistics

With the stress of exams now over we, I mean He-man, now has the stress of finding a job to tide him over the summer, fuel his passion for clothes, music and festivals. He is about to start learning how unfair life is, being motivated, savvy and street wise counts for an awful lot. To motivate him I gave him a rough idea of how much spondooly, cash to you and me, he would have after 9 weeks of earning. That seemed to get his attention. We started on his CV last night ( note that I say we and not he, he doesn't have a clue .)

Name: He-man
Address; God's great county
DOB: depends who asking - 18 for ID purposes
In addition to waiting results for gcse's. Have got A's in following
Hacking off mother
Eating huge amounts of cereal
What chocolate?"
Financial irresponsibility
Deafening music
Evaporating out of clothes and leaving them on the floor
Keeping trousers firmly below arse cheeks
Knowing when to give mum a hug
Oblivious to any form of domestic chores.

After school activities: Rugby rugby and more rugby. When he played for the school he was captain but the team dissolved. When he could be bothered, he coached the little kids. Ar.
Also attended after school revision classes ( how can you put that in mum? he cried, I had to because I had been slacking. No son, I replied, you did it to ensure you got the grades )

Work experience;
Paper boy - 1 year in the rain and the snow, every afternoon straight after school. Personally I was really impressed at how he went out in all weathers. ( don't put that in mum I got sacked, he moaned. No son, I replied, you left because your paper round clashed with your revision clashes and studies came first. He looked at me in disbelief )
Baby sitting - on the odd occasion he has done this for friends and is very good at with ankle biters particularly when it comes to biffing.

Outside interests:
Rugby Rugby and rugby. Up to the age of 13 he played 9 hours out of school of both union and league. Hence the muscles and the nickname of Hench. now it's just 3 hours.
Music- many Spotify playlists which increased significantly during revision.
Biking - currently sporting a huge scab on elbows and massive bruise on hip after being knocked off by a random car driver
Cooking - You what? I cried, what cooking? I love cooking, he declared, you just don't know what I like to cook. Now I am intrigued, other than cereal+milk+bowl combo and toast ( vast quantities ) + chocolate spread + peanut butter I am left wondering what he has been cooking and for whom. I left a wish for a good curry for tonight but he walked away laughing.

He should add in a wicked sense of humour and massive general knowledge. But am not sure what job that would qualify him for; panellist on Mock the Week?


  1. Very impressed at your CV writing lessons! It is a fine art to turn slacking into a positive on a CV ;)

  2. Brilliant, I think my nephew could learn a thing or two from your CV writing skills. x

  3. Maybe I should offer my services out for a small fee. I have registered him for work at the local university and a mate there will give him work over the summer. Ha ha ha ha( wicked evil laugh and drumming finger tips together)

  4. Want to have a go at eldest beautiful daughters? has officially left school, no talents/hobbies except attracting boys and lip gloss

    Form an orderly queue potential employers

  5. Auntie Gwen - don't you EBD is available for immediate employment,is currently assessing her options and has eye for detail and keeps up with current trends

  6. Haha bless him. My oldest is doing work experience this week at my Hubbys work. It's been a complete culture shock 'we worked SO hard, Mum' and has flopped into bed exhausted.

    Couldn't help but give a little chuckle to myself. Welcome to the real world, son...