Saturday, 24 April 2010

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang oops

It's a bit quiet on the blogging front at the moment as we are on the cusp of moving to our new home. 6 DAYS AND COUNTING. My mind is mainly full of lists and more lists, things to do, things I should have done and I things I just can't be arsed doing at all.
Throw into the mix the wrinklies staying - thanks for helping pack by the way and relieve the tension with some vino and daft humour. Another He-man incident, although actually I would say to be fair this time it was school in the wrong but nevertheless, he was at the epicentre. Work has been unbelievably CRAZY. Well naturally you would want your FECKIN' CAR TO START ACTING UP!!!!!!!!
The kind men at my local garage took a look at it. This was my brief to them.
" There is a tapping noise coming from the engine could you have a look please"

This is their expert advice having had the car a day... " There is a tapping noise coming from the engine. Could be anything." Well duh. The "Anything" apparently comes accompanied with much scratching of head, "sounds serious" love anecdotes and basically inference that as your car is a heap of shite anyway don't waste your money on finding out what is the mater with the engine. GET RID QUICK LOVE and DON'T DRIVE IT.
I think this could be the straw that broke the camels back. I spent last night googling loads of cars and looking at deals. Who am I kidding I can't afford a wheelbarrow never mind anything else. I am even contemplating not having a car at all. I just don't think I can run to the cost of it. Either repairing existing on buying new. And why am I looking at cars when my to do list stretches as far as the new house?
However should I buy a car this is what I would really like. Porsche 912 preferably not in blue

But am most likely to be seen with this.....

Saturday, 17 April 2010

The bleedin' holiday

I love my holidays. I used to live to go on my holiday, I loved the planning, the research, the build up. Everything basically. It allowed my inner nerd to run free. The kids used to call me Klaus,The Series of Unfortunate Events. When the Incident of Mr X happened 2 and a bit years ago holidays since then have been a disaster. The first year we had to go on a holiday that was meant for 4 but we were now a 3. My stepfather and his wife very kindly joined us to jolly things up. Unfortunately the camp site I had chosen in northen Spain was more a kin to a concentration camp and had the worst food to boot. My step fathers knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time came into full fruition one night when he did his German imprsession. Our neighbours were German. We left the next day, drove several hundred miles south and spent the rest of our holiday at their villa where He-man behaved badly through boredom.

Last year I decided we would do a tent rather than a caravan or small plastic box masquerading as a cottage from the previous years experiences. But it would have to be somewhere hot or hottish. So South of France here we come. It was the first package holiday I had done in years with Canvas. They came recommended. We had to go late August but not so late that everything would be shut - or so I thought. You can read more about last year's escapades here.

This brings me to this year. So far nothing is planned. We have had a variety of offers but either the dates don't suit, the coffers don't stretch that far or we don't like the mix of people.
The problem is that they ( the teenage terrorists ) want friends. They no longer want friends that they make on holiday like they used to do, they want their own friends. I have no problem with that. I don't want the hassle of speaking to new people. I just want to be. So as usual it's a compromise.

So do I

A - go to Cornwall, camping ( I have no tent and have never camped hard core before , our tent would be away from the group and we would have no electric, I don't know if that is a good thing or not) where we can get some days of over lap with He-mans friends, I might make new ones and She-ra can bring a friend. I have never been to Cornwall and it is a very long drive from home.

B - Not go away at all in the big summer hols and wait to go away just the 3 of us in October. It will make for a very long drawn out summer holiday plus i can see trouble ahead with He-man not wanting to go anyway.

C - If I do A I can go away with girls for annual jaunt in October but would not be able to do B
I must say this blog was partly inspired by an ungrateful He-man being woken to a bacon buttie before maths tuition starts followed by reading Auntie Gwen's dilemma. Any suggestions gratefully received.

Monday, 12 April 2010

7 things I'd rather you didn't know about me

I don't know whether to thank Audrey Horne for this or not. My sister once tagged me and I'm just not quite sure of the rules but here goes.....

1. I have many famous lookalikees. Take your pick, Sandra Bullock, Kirstie Allsop, Juliana Marguiles and more recently Billie Piper. This has now become a standing joke in my family and basically anyone with dark hair is my lookalikee.

2. I can do a bath tongue and a roll tongue

3. (Woooo) Gary Davies( radio 1 has been ) came "over to my place" in his heyday.

4. I can spend hours in libraries just for the smell. ( that's the books not old ladies )

5. I once had to poo in the sea. And then swim fast to get away from it. It had amazing breast stroke.

6. When I was an au pair I used to go back down the the kitchen at night and hoover out the fridge. Then I wonder why I came back 2 stone heavier....

7. I am strangely obsessed with extremly Obese people and they are often included in my holiday photos.

So the rules of the award are these:
Copy the award to your blog
Insert a link to the person who nominated you
Tell us seven things about yourself that you haven't told us before
Nominate seven other bloggers for the award
Link to their blogs
Tell the nominees about their award .....

My fellow nominees are ( and apologies if you have already been tagged )

Auntie gwen


Deluded woman at Is that me? How DID that Happen?

Insomniac mummy

Sunday, 11 April 2010


I am a late comer to pottering. Post separation I have come to treasure it though. My time, my life, my own speed dial that I can turn up or down when I want to. School holidays used to always involve a trip somewhere or holiday of some sort. That usually meant some sort of mad packing and on reflection was quite stressful. Now that the coffers are practically bare I can just afford my own back yard and actually this is the place I'd rather be. Given that I am currently on annual leave counting the days until next pay day today has been spent doing following:

Waking up with Andrew Marr- not literally of course but it help me keep my finger on the button

Followed by Tim Lovejoy in Something for the Weekend ( no Louise today ). I find him strangely attractive - this is done whilst getting breakfast together for myself only

Breakfast in bed

Went for a run with the dog when it was too hot to really do so. Result one very red face.

Pampering session in the bathroom.

Back for lunch- papers, washing out washing in

Chit Chat with She-ra ( He-man was out partying last night so not back til later )

Baked a chocolate cake

Finally managed to track down some Leeds Fest tickets for He-man after our recent scamming debacle

Scaled the ironing mountain

Cracked open a bottle of white whilst I amassed dinner.

He-man returns and tells me about his night. In far more detail than usual.

The sun is still shining just, supper is nearly ready and all that follows is a Dog walk and chill out with the kids.

Hmmmm - quietly contented. What did you today?

(Actually if someone offered me a holiday in sunnier climes I would probably bite their arm off but would still potter rather than manic sight see.)

Friday, 9 April 2010

The Door

I have a lot of conversations with the Door. The Door in question is the gateway to He-mans' empire. The Door remains permanently shut. It is often slammed and is rarely open. It is like a gateway to another world. I have to knock at said door and ask for entry. Some times the Door replies " urg".
I also ask the Door some of these questions ( but clearly not all at the same time?)

" are you up yet? you are going to be late for school "

Door Reponse " Arg"

" Tea's ready"
" humpfh"

" Shall we do a revision timetable together ?"
" F*ck Sh*te"

" Your clothes are on the floor outside the Door"
" We're going out -see you later "
" pfft"

" I'm going to the supermarket, do you need anything?"
" lynx and cereal"... "Please"

" I need to come in to change your bedding "
It's a very nice door. It shields me from smells, teenage harumping, unsavoury acts ( wanking ), the fact that the only light on this room is the glow form the TV or PS3 and the general mess that is the domain of a teenage boy. I did toy wiht publishing photos of his many dirty undercrackers scattered where they fell but thought that might have been going to far.

I will miss this Door when we move later this month. I wonder if the Door will be as friendly(?) at the next place? Although given that He-man will be ensconced in the Loft room I think my relationship will now be with the staircase. Hello staircase.....

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Help! I need somebody

I have just registered with a dating site. I then looked at said dating site of possible matches. I am now on my third glass of wine and feeling rather tipsy. It is bleak out there. I am a failure when it comes to men.
I also have one missed phone call from OTE. I have managed to refrain from replying for 2 hours. My will is diminishing in proportion to the wine consumption. No doubt I will return his phone call when a bit more doo lally and find myself agreeing to another episode of Inspector Frost.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Easter Refrain

Just come back from a most enjoyable stay in Scotland. I have learnt the following

  1. I drive fast and slow. Got there in under predicted time despite all the bloody caravans en route.

  2. We are a family of ipods

  3. My son makes me laugh so much - it's like having Will Smith, Jim Carey and Will Ferrel in one

  4. When you are 5 years old there are never enough sequins

  5. Scottish BFF her partner are the best ever hosts

  6. My sister is still wonderful

  7. so is her other 'alf

  8. SFF's youngest nearly got smuggled into a suitcase to come home

  9. I might be nearing the End of Horrible Teenage Hormones with He-man

  10. I am just starting with Horrible Teenage Hormones with She-ra

  11. Egg rolling is still very serious business

  12. I can sleep very well when aided by copious amounts of wine

  13. My lips still turn purple when doing above

  14. We drank more than 10 green bottles

  15. My brother in law is very funny when pissed

  16. I can't play who's am I for toffee (but laugh about every minute )

  17. I am addicted to Bananagrams

  18. The 4 year old needs to gets his grommits sorted asap before he has anymore accidents

  19. A&E on a Easter Sunday morning is pretty quiet when you need to get your head glued

  20. 5 year old girls love to play beauty salons

  21. I don't suit orange lipstick
  22. My finger nails are still all glittery from 16 - great for business meetings

  23. Don't get lip gloss in your eye

  24. Beauty Salon is now closed

  25. Jumanji is a great name for your lady garden

  26. The Easter bunny only comes out when you are ready

  27. He-man is now to old to hunt for eggs but prefers to be the Easter Bunny

  28. She-ra is still young enough to hunt for eggs

  29. She-ra is no longer the Egg Rolling Champion

  30. SFF mum is the new Egg Rolling Champion

  31. Predicted berating over losing the Egg Champion cup came true

  32. All and sundry conclude that OTE is a waste of time and I must move on

  33. I might be suffering from Jennifer Aniston syndrome

  34. Have to get back into running

Only 1 more very intense day at work and then off for over a week. Looks like I'll have to steal myself for my house purchase as the BLOODY WOMAN wont move out

Friday, 2 April 2010

We are sat waiting for He-man to come out of the bathroom so we can hit the road and join my sister en route to Scottish BFF for a weekend of laughter and most importantly egg rolling.

I should have packed last night but recent experience has taught me that to do this when EXTREMELY tired is not a good idea. Last night was devoted to buying things for the Easter weekend. This seemed to mainly constitute wine, coke,and crisps and more wine, wasabi peas ( my current addiction ) and Irn Bru ( given we are going to Scotland this is a coals to Newcastle scenario re the Irn Bru.)

This morning has involved scaling the mountain of ironing to find suitable clothing for our long weekend away then ironing said garments, eating too many croissants, tidying up my lady garden as going to a water park, applying fake tan as look hideously pale akin to lumpy porridge, packing car, packing bags, hiding the vast chocolate egg mountain in boot of car, coping with neurotic dog who stresses every time she sees a suitcase. ( god knows why she stresses as she usually goes to a mates house where she is spoilt rotten if she doesn't join us )

I have then spent a frantic hour looking for the bleedin' trophy as She-ra is currently reigning champion. I can only find the hastily made cardboard one from last year that Scottish BFF made when experiencing a similar scenario. I will have to face a group of very serious egg rollers to explain my misdemeanour.

So when He-man finally leaves the bathroom ,1.5 hours so far ( what does he do in there - on second thoughts don't tell me I know ), we can set off for our long journey. Hoots mon!