" I've got a boyfriend now"
Me, trying to be cool " Oh that's lovely. What's he called?" I was at this point desperately trying to not ask a whole load of questions when really I wanted to strap her into a chair, shine a light into he eyes and go for full on interrogation.
" He's called Luke"
Great, I am thinking we have a name, makes it easier to track him down and shine a light in his eyes whilst shouting STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!
" so who's class is he in? " am trying to be nonchalant here
"he's not at school..."
What! Alarm bells ringing very loudly here.
" What do you mean?"
"he's left school, I think he is in the army"
I can feel the panic rising.
"so how old is he?"
"16" At this point the alarm bells ringing in my head are so loud, think submarine siren, I am sure she can hear them. Sixteen! He is clearly attracted to the 2 HUGE nuclear missiles strapped to her chest ( so are most of the boys in her school it would later transpire ) and will be on a covert mission to examine them up close.
" So how do you know him?"
" He saw me at the stables when he came with F's boyfriend to pick her up. He said he can't stop thinking about me"
Aha so at least I know the source of the introduction. The stable hand. Clearly the stables are a hot bed of lust and loin girding.
Question. How has he got in contact. Obvious answer - The stable hand F introduced him via facebook. I decide at this point I have asked enough questions. She is clearly delighted that boy she has never met has asked her out and she has already texted her friends about it. I am thinking " monitor situation closely but be cool"
2 days later she announces " I've finished with him" Inside my head I am doing a mental dance of victory. "why?" I ask, this could be important data for future dates.
" He lives too far away ( about 20 miles I measured it ) and wanted me to go to him" Clearly the lad has been using Ol' Twinkly Eyes as a role model, " but I can't be bothered" she said, clearly she has followed her mother's example.
I smile, high secret sigh of relief, this is no longer a code red situation.
Ol' Twinkly Eyes update
In the month since I declared I was no longer bothered about said hunk of loving and indeed laid this on the table in no uncertain terms to him I have since seen him more than I did before. We have public displays of affection and has even invited me more recently to an event at work where by his colleagues are in no doubt that we are an item, at least in his head anyway. He might not understand the term Friends with benefits but I do and it at the moment it works for me.