Sunday, 24 January 2010

Put your listening ears on

Have had date number whatever with Ole Twinkly Eyes the other night. Am feeling rough today. Not due to a night of unbridled passion but because I found myself drinking, mixing drinks and drinking some more whilst he talked and talked and talked some more. He never stops talking! Having been married to a man who hardly spoke at all I clearly have gone for the opposite. He is making me laugh now which is a good thing as it is closely connected to my g-spot. But this is not working for me. I want passion when I walk through the door. Not to sit down and watch yet another bleedin' documentary. I want to be fighting him off. I want hot passionate kisses. I give great saucy texts and I want them back. Then surprise statement of the evening that sticks in my mind is " I want to take you away for the weekend, ( tick - I like the sound of this ) go walking in the countryside ( tick - love doing that ) he mentions the name of a couple of hotels ( tick an mightily impressed just hope he is paying ). But I have heard that one before when he wanted to get into my knickers so will not be maintaining the lady garden in wishful thinking.

Am having to face that he is just not that into me or is he? The mixed messages are difficult to decipher. He's just been on the phone for ages, was miffed when I didn't hang around for a chat at work though it was obvious I was in the middle of something with a bunch of important looking people and will be miffed even more when he realises that I am busy all week and will not see him for nearly a fortnight. Has it become a FWB relationship ( friends with benefits ) only am not sure the benefits are that great? So would just friends be fine? Being a creature of directness I have decided the next date (which I will leave for him to arrange ) he will need to put his listening ears on because he will be learning what I want, when I want it and how. And we'll just have to see where that takes us next.

Saturday, 23 January 2010

musical meme

My sister, are we nearly there yet mummy, has tagged for a musical meme. I have no idea what to do or what it is. I thought tag was a game in the playground. Anyway having had a snoop around and I think that I have the idea. I certainly commend her on her choice of song, The Time is now Moloko, also a favourite of mine. So I come to my selection...what the hell do I choose. I am really struggling here. Given that I have just come out of a 20+ years relationship it pretty much wipes out much of my adult life as each song I seem to choose then twangs at the heart strings like an manic acoustic Spanish guitarist. Going further back to my teenage years, given I was 19 when I met him, I find the songs I choose are full of awful memories of growing up and teenage angst, so sorry The Specials but Too Much Too Young doesn't quite cut it. Toxic Britney could have been a contender if only for the time I was with the girls at a friends 40th,. The special combination of just enough fizz and chutzpah resulted in me reenacting a Britney dance routine that my male friends have been wishing for ever since. but alas that is not my song of choice. Aretha is a great fave but makes me well up. Or how I can't listen to Robert Palmer She's The One because we both loved Robert Palmer and all I can remember is it coming on the radio whilst washing the car after he left and finding myself sobbing on the back seat with my legs sticking out of the car much to the bewilderment of passers by. This really is bloody hard most songs are all about love; lost, unrequited and being in etc. I am beginning to dislike my sister for making choose something that is trawling through my memories with very little respect and making the waterworks turn the taps on. I have trawled my spotify and itunes to come up with simething sophisticated...............but have opted for this classic

Sorry to the following if you have already been tagged nut am new at this game

Yappy Dog
what happened why am I here ?
Lorraine Wade

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Up & downs

This week has been ups and downs. The Ups being: She-ra choosing her GCSE choices ( double science, geography, Spanish and graphics thank you for asking ) He-man ( brace yourself ) got an A* for his Oral exam in Spanish GCSE ( he can do it! ), my lovely new bed arrived, my lovely grumps put it up for me ( I envisage a lot sweating here ) , I managed to get my "how can you choose Football over Fucking?" dig in, I have stopped looking at my mobile phone for Ole Twinkly Eyes messages, Ole Twinkly Eyes has taken to ringing me before I think about contacting him, Ole Twinkly came into my office today looking for me ( that's a first ), first run of the year in record time, listening to the kids actually talking to each other and even having silly fun. But the best has to be the gcse night and the A* - so these are the warm fuzzy feelings kids can give you.

The downs: He-man having massive strop because his friends have teased him about having a milf, He-man getting very angry about his father, He-man still insisting on changing his name, utter crap going on at work where intelligent people really should know better, worrying about leaving the kids whilst going on a 3 day training programme as part of management course now on, She-ra turning into a teenager and talking in a strange ( and annoying ) fashion, worrying about going on course as includes abseiling and am afraid of heights, worrying about having to report ex husband to police for unwanted (& continued) contact, bitter about not having enough money to pay for all the things I need to go on management activity course,( due to ex husband yet again), being on my own ( Ole Twinkly Eyes does not count ) feeling the weight of responsibility of bringing up 2 kids on my own and having lots of important life decisions to make with them, crying all the way home from work because just it just all felt so shitty...not being able to have a good nights sleep in my new bed because of everything going on, Ole Twinkly Eyes saying I should wear a Dunce cap, annoyed that when I want to spend the night with Ole Twinkly Eyes it is like organising a bleedin' military manoeuvre with sleep overs and dog sitting as ex husband doesn't even come into equation ( so much for the benefits of being divorced ), being sucked into watching Celebrity Big Brother, having zero will power and only managed 2 days without my beloved red wine, being reminded that it is my birthday next week and not relishing the prospect.

But here we are remembering the successes of the week, balancing the old see-saw of life and trying to look forward to the weekend even if does involve wearing a Dunce Cap and little else.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Proud mum

Yesterday was a good day. She-ra had parents evening. Despite spending more time queueing than sitting in front of the INCREDIBLY young looking teachers it was a very worthwhile 2 hours of my life! She is star pupil, the one they all want her their class, funny but hard working. I am so proud of my daughter! Well done you.

I even managed to slip in a quick 10 minutes with one He-man's teachers on a less positive note. But even that was a " he is talented but wasting it " conversation. He passed his maths resit- Hurrah.


Monday, 11 January 2010

Sexy snow

Less than 2 months in and I can't make my mind up about Ol' Twinkly Eyes ( OTE ). On the one hand he gets me excited in a good way and on the other he infuriates the hell out of me. But then as 2 good friends pointed out today. One - he is a man ie boy. The other? They (men) function differently. They process information differently and they certainly don't plan. Planning doesn't come into it for instance. I cannot drop everything and rush over stay the night. I have to organise dog sitting and sleep overs. I have mother guilt to deal with. My favourite part however is staying over, that whole post coital snuggling - which he is very good at, the former less so. I exercised amazing strength of character this weekend when as the clock ( cock) struck 11.30 I elevated out of bed called a cab and was home before I changed into a pumpkin.

I had decided to take the peasant wagon to get his bijou city centre frickin' freezin flat. By the time I had staggered through the snow clutching my bottle of wine with a death grip and sliding about like horny snail I found that I had left my libido on the bus. When later he told my 70 denier tights weren't sexy ( he who was in jeans and a thermal jumper with the tightest elasticated waist ever I swear I nearly lost 3 fingers in there ) I thought Snow isn't fucking Sexy what do you expect!

Snow madness has set in. After being basically holed up chez nous since before Christmas the whole bed in and veg out has worn thin. I have definitely gone stir crazy. She-ra is positively bonkers. He-man is clocking in as much as sleep as possibel whilst down loading as much dub step as possible to his chrimbo pressie an ipod nano. She-ra and I have started the whole holiday playing cards theme and it's gin rummy every night. Tonight during said cards, she of whom butter wouldn't melt, goody two shoes girl recounted some of her day's activities at record speed. What do you say to a girl who tells you that she and her friends decided that The Fox & Hound sounded like a porn film? I wanted to say " don't you mean F**ks and Hound but managed to bite my tongue. Clearly we could have had a lot of fun with this game had she been a lot older. She however continued Curious George, she cried, Flat Stanley I replied. This drew hoots of laughter from her but left me wondering what she was on. Jungle Book, what I really meant was Jungle F**k. Stig of the dump she riposted. Really what was she on? I had a mug shot for tea, they're full of additives, she declared. Clearly.