Thursday, 24 September 2009
Do you ever wake up sometimes with such a feeling of heaviness that you feel like you are sinking into your mattress? And that when you look across the bedroom it feels vast and empty? Do you have to remind yourself when getting ready for work that "putting your face on " is just that and the smile you left hanging on the bed post last night has to be fixed in position before you face the day? Do ever sometimes feel that no matter how many people tell you that you are lovely that you feel quite grotesque and that no one could ever find you attractive again? That as you go through your daily routine there is a great big whole making you feel like some giant polo mint. Separation is different to being divorced and whilst you don't want to be with that person who you divorced there is a sense of failure rather than celebration that follows. Whilst there is definitely a feeling of relief and that ,yes, you can sense a weight being lifted post divorce and trauma, that you actually feel like you are in no man's land irrespective of how busy and full you make your life. Putting on a brave face is just that and after doing it for so long it has become second nature. But sometimes, just sometimes, you catch yourself and find yourself thinking how the hell did I get here?