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Monday, 17 August 2009

Madness of grandad

madness of being grandad
My father has just been to stay. He has more toiletries than me. He spends longer in the bathroom than the entire family put together. Looking good is important to him. He does make the most ridiculous excuses for his vanity though. I have decided that he has an inner Noel Coward with a very clumsy side. Yes he has a special bag for his pyjamas, yes he carries his cigarettes in a large cigarette case, yes he travels all the way from overseas because he doesn't trust the local dentist, hairdresser and mechanic.He recently entered a photography competition to illustrate local life and sends pictures of dog poo ( can you imagine the person's face opening that entry), he opens cartons of orange juice with pen knives only to find their entire content spilling onto the floor ( why he can't do it the normal way ). Once when buying a bar of chocolate he reached out to the shelf and managed to rip his fingernail and blood was squirting everywhere. At night the local night life throw themselves into his eyes. I have learnt to keep lit candles away from him as he tends to knock hot wax all over his goolies. He tells me about his anti itch bollock cream - I wish he didn't. He regularly falls over his own feet the most recent being a spectacular tumble on a beach before he tombstoned. When he stood up his ( vintage ) raybans ( what else? ) were skewed and one lens fallen out. The women in his life, wifey, shera and me, gave full support by laughing. Other falls have included jumping over a wall only to discover a much greater drop on the other side and landing in front of a load of builders. Or tripping up in a pub and falling in front of a slobbering great Dane that was ready to take his head off. The exploding kethcup bottle is old news in our house and no meal time is complete without glass being broken, wine spilt and something going onto his latest purchase from Jaeger. The wrinklies have gone back now and we miss thier hilarity but we will be with them again soon and I can't wait to see what daft things he does next

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