Thursday, 27 August 2009

House of hormones

Welcome to the house of jism. It is everywhere. It is all consuming. It has become He-man's obsession. The various signs over the past few months start to make sense. The mysterious globs in the bathroom sink, the one hand print against the huge bathroom mirrors, the very late to bed, the I-wasn't-watching-porn-look of innocence, the huge amount of time spent locked in said bathroom. Grandad has been giving him man-t0-man talks about the opposite sex, much welcomed by He-man to whom I can't even ask if he has used the bathroom without him going off on one. Apparently there are at least 10 stages with the opposite sex and He-man is at about a 4 -5. When discussing this on a recent night out this came as news to the other male role models in He-mans life. "what do you mean 10 stages?" they cried. We thought there were 2! " hello " and " wham bam thank you mam". These 10 stages have caused much merriment to my peer men folk. Could they be as follows?:

  1. Dare to look at women in eye
  2. Offer to hold open the door for lady
  3. Put one's cloak over a puddle
  4. Offer of one's handkerchief when lady in distress
  5. Offer to take out for afternoon stroll
  6. Suggest an evening at the flicks or A romantic meal for 2
  7. Footsie under the table
  8. The holding of hands
  9. Meeting of the parents
  10. A kiss goodnight

I think not and I don't want my father to enlighten me. We are guessing somewhere between suck and blow and copping a feel.

She-ra on the other hand is obliviously giving off the scent of sex to the opposite sex. When we walk down the street I want to put her in a burka to ward off the admiring glances from all ages. I have already looked up bulk purchases of mace. The pneumatic curves, the glossy hair and oblivious nature is very alluring. I'd like to think that maybe some of the glances by the older males might be directed at me but I don't think so. No glossy (& far too much grey) hair, a face covered in spots ( due to stress), clothes baggy from loss of weight, tits saggy too. I have the worries of the world written all over my face. She too spends huge amount of time in the bathroom but of a deplitory & cleanliness nature .

I must remember to buy that mace and bumper supply of tissues....

1 comment:

  1. I'm a follower at last!! Looking forward to next run and more hair removal tactics!!